Never Write A Blog Post Drunk

I am amazing

The End

ha!

 

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2017 When You Were Up You Were UP But When You Were Down, You Were Seriously DOWN!

This is my first blog post of 2018 and I just want to mention the bad bits of 2017 first so then I can MOVE ON.
This time last year I christened 2017 the Year of Fun and in many ways it was but it was also the year of heartache. My dad died, I have 3 colleagues, who also lost a parent, 2 of my dad’s best friends lost a son and I started divorce proceedings. So there you go, 2017 was definitely a rollercoaster of a year, it’s not ideal to lose a parent and a marriage at the same time to say the least… Strangely seeing my dad very sick gave me the courage to say enough was enough and finish my marriage. Indeed when you see someone’s life slipping away, it gives you that kick up the arse to move yours in another happier, healthier and better direction. My dad would approve and would be proud I’m sure. My dad would also be very proud of the changes my sister has made, I won’t elaborate but the way she is turning her life around is one of the highs of 2017.
Last year, I made 17 goals ( 17 Goals For 2017 ) and here’s a recap of what I achieved and didn’t!
Listen to more live music (lots of different genres) anybody want to be my concert buddy?! FAIL: I did see Adele, which was great and Bananarama but not much else. Must try harder this year!

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Have a girls night out at least once a month MIXED: I haven’t kept track of this but I do feel like I’ve seen girlfriends at least once a month. This is something that is important to me so I think I might host a girls’ dinner once a month at least and plan ahead so then I know this will happen!

Go back to Ibiza DOUBLE SUCCESS: I went back twice! White sangria on a beach on a Sunday afternoon, staying in the same hotel as Eva Longoria, Lychee martinis at Nobu and sunsets at Experimental beach – there isn’t much else to say!

Sort my hair out without becoming too mumsy FAIL: I haven’t changed my hair, it’s still the same mid-length kind of brown…

Go clubbing in Berlin with my friend M FAIL!

Be more stylish – Not sure I can be the judge of that!

Do something really out of my comfort zone – not sure what yet! SUCCESS-Spending time with people that are SO different to you and going to places you really don’t normally go to and going to Ibiza twice – enough said
Regain confidence, I lost some in 2016, need to get it back! SUCCESS: a picture speaks a thousand words

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Taken on New Year’s Eve 2017

Keep the blog going and make it better and get more out of it- MIXED It’s still going but that’s about it, except for some free (but very nice by the way!) Polish bread and cakes…

Reduce meat and dairy consumption by a third (have a veggie hello fresh box one week a month) SUCCESS!

Go to reformer pilates at least 4 times a month FAIL

Get a subscription to Vanity Fair and the Economist SEMI-FAIL: I now have an Economist subscription, don’t always read the whole thing…

Speak to Arabella in French 95% of the time FAIL: I need to decide to speak to her in French or not, it’s just not 100% natural but I know she will thank me later…

Feel more goosebumps SUCCESS: listening to Adele live, admiring the beauty of Santorini, watching A at her first ballet class

Cry more tears of joy – Well…let’s just say that there have been tears in 2017 and mostly not of joy but I have definitely been happy despite everything

Have more “this is amazing” moments – SUCCESS: despite the double D situation well I definitely have had those moments I was hoping for. These were the highs:
The weather being perfect the day of my dad’s funeral, I mean unseasonable warm and not a cloud in the sky. Admiring the view from a hot tub in Santorini, sledding down a mountain at midnight in Switzerland in absolute silence, cycling round Formentera, taking selfies with Eva Longoria, brunch at The Ned on a Sunday ( I know I am slightly obsessed!), yellow tail sashimi at Nobu by the sea in Ibiza, watching the most amazing sunset on the first night of my holiday in Mauritius with my mum and daughter and being proud that I could take us there. Spending the day at a country hotel with very old girlfriends, watching Arsenal at the emirates in the best seats, seeing so many of the people I love at my birthday drinks, seeing friends become parents and so many of the funny things A comes out with. Getting drunk on Sangria on a Sunday afternoon in Ibiza and having to walk for an hour through fields because there were no cabs whilst laughing your head off, watching A dance in our hotel in Mauritius with the traditional dancers, an area at Reading festival being named after my dad

Spend New Years Even 2017 thinking back on what an amazing year 2017 was, ideally on a beach or a ski slope. MIXED – I didn’t make it to a beach or a ski slope but I was happy on New Year’s Eve, happy 2017 was over but also much more at peace emotionally than I was on the 31st of December 2016, which really was a low low. 2017 was as amazing as it could be given the circumstances

Obviously I have no idea what is going to happen in 2018 but here is what I hope for:
• To learn how to relax more, every time I go to reflexology I get told that I seem unable to switch off
• For all the pregnancies around me to go well
• To stop feeling the sense of failure I have at being a single mum
• For A to be happy despite the change in her circumstances
• For more highs and less lows
• To kick arse at work
• To be there for all the people that were there for me this year
• To keep meeting new lovely people
• To dance more
• For anybody I know considering a big change to find the courage to do it

And finally I want to thank all my friends and family for every call, every text, every email, every thought and every minute they spent with me last year. For being there for me when things were really tough. It took the worst of circumstances to remind me but I can tell you that I am very lucky and have many amazing people around me. I hope to see them all more this year. You know who you are, you are my family.

On that note, I am closing the door on 2017 with my head held high and my heart open.

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Girl, Where Do You Think You’re Going?

Now that is something I’m never going to try and figure out again. The other day I was re-reading the post I wrote at the beginning of this year with my goals for 2017 Here and realised quite a few had been reached against all odds! And the odds are the 2 D words (so you know not just any odd hurdle…), no need to spell them out.

I might not know where I’m going (seriously after this year, I have no idea!) but I’ve been to some amazing places this year and as the sun slowly starts to set on 2017, I can confirm the following (this is probably going to sound like an empty list of platitudes and cliches but here goes…) :

  • Resilience is a force to be reckoned with
  • The worst of times can be linked to the best of times in mysterious ways. For example the weather on the day of my dad’s funeral was absolutely amazing, perfect, unseasonably warm and sunny. 2017 was destined to be the worse year ever but I have survived and actually had some amazing moments, there is always light and hope.
  • Music is more powerful than I ever thought, listening to Lemonade by Beyoncé has got me through some dark times and seeing Adele live was pretty special
  • Even though sunsets represent the end of the day, I have a bit of “a thing” for them and see them in a very positive light, not just because they are beautiful (3 of my favourite ones from this year are below, I am very grateful I got to see such amazing ones this year…) but also because, as with 2017, I have learnt that sometimes the end is actually the beginning

This is a bit of a random post, I will definitely write one at the end of the year to go over how many of those goals I reached!

As for 2018, come to mama…

PS: yes there are a few Lady Gaga “Joanne” references in this post…

I Thank You, I Am Proud of You and I Promise You

As it is Father’s Day  I wanted to share my eulogy from his funeral a few weeks ago.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

First thing Dad, more people have turned up to your funeral than my wedding so you did well there! Rest assured that I’ll make sure that in future people will always say 1,000 people came to Marcus’ funeral and Robbie Williams sang Angels. You know what I mean dad.

I want to thank my family and friends, who have supported me recently, in particular Sandie without whom I could not have managed to do it all over the past few weeks. The bad times definitely show you who really cares.

Ironically you were one of the only people I knew who didn’t have a Facebook account, yet there is a group with 170 members dedicated to you.

It is a testament to the man you were that so many people have sent messages and raised money for today. Special mention to the WOMAD crew (in particular Steve, Angela, Geoff, Soly, Dick Vernon, Jack, Stevie and so many more), WOMAD which turns out is not only the World Of Music and Dance but also the world of friendship, love and generosity. We are forever grateful.

I want to quote a few of the notes left on the Facebook page (I’ve edited them a bit) because the world needs to know what a man you were. One thing is for sure, you were definitely one of the boys:

  1. “You were a true friend; a rascal; a good laugh in the good times; dignified when times got tough. You were never slow to tell anyone who gave you the opportunity how much you loved your family and how proud you were of them and their achievements. You often wore your heart on your sleeve, which brought you gentle ribbing from your friends and family, but NEVER derision or dismissal. You were – and still are – a truly unique individual who enriched our lives, and will be sorely missed. Thank you for having been MARCUS; a larger than life figure who I’m proud to have known.”

 

  1. “a WOMAD legend gone, clearly he will be greatly missed”

 

 

  1. “a true legend, who had a lot of fun. I learnt a lot from Marcus, most importantly always wear sunscreen”

 

  1. “Raise your glasses for an amazing man, we will miss you madly thank you for all the good times and exceptional company RIP mon ami”

 

 

  1. “In a festival world full of characters you sir were a giant. Always on hand for a chat, a joke a 4am call out across site or fist if needed. Old school rock n roller and a real gentleman. The world is a poorer place without you Marcus. I am sure campfires will echo with tales of your exploits for years to come. Rest easy man. “
  2. “WOMAD will never be the same”

Nothing will ever be the same to be honest.

How many people have the honour of knowing their dad was a legend, so unique and so unforgettable? Lana, George, Max and Tallulah, we had our extraordinary dad, I know he wasn’t perfect but man he tried. And Lana Banana, you did him proud, you were there til the end, something I couldn’t do and that’s because you’re an Armstrong, we all are and man am I glad I never changed my name. George and Max, you have clearly inherited his physical abilities and strength, George you look more like him every day (in a good way!). Max, whenever I would ask how you were, he would say “Max is lovely”. Tallulah, one of the only full size pictures he kept was of you, he was so proud of you and always told me how well you were doing at school.

He loved us all so much, may you never doubt that.

Dad kept 2 cards: a fathers’ day card from Tallulah and Michael Eavis’ invitation to his 70th birthday at Worthy farm. These were the loves of your life, your family and your festival family

 

Dad, this is what I am thankful for, why I was proud of you and what I promise.

I THANK YOU:

  • For taking us to festivals and opening our eyes to what an amazing world it is out there
  • For giving us all a love of music from Dire Straits to Burning Spear to Tracy Chapman and Tom Petty.
  • For a non-conventional childhood
  • For introducing us to such a wide variety of people
  • For not being a dad like any other dad
  • Showing me what passion means, your passion was working at festivals and you made it happen.
  • I thank you for Teaching me that if you walk in somewhere like you own the place, they’ll let you in.
  • For not judging me and just being there when I needed you a few years ago.
  • For coming to Berlin to my 21st Birthday party, you made up for forgetting my 18th birthday! Of course, in true Marcus fashion, you made one of the waitresses give me their staff t-shirt as a souvenir
  • For instilling in me this strong will to live life to the full. Carpe Diem.
  • For all the laughs and fun times: for example when we went to Twickenham to watch England and every time you got up to get another beer they scored so you missed all their tries. For having a mouse stuck in your leather trousers. For shouting out loud at my graduation when someone was receiving a degree in medieval grammar or something “ I bet he’s fun at a party”. Man you were fun at a party dad.
  • Thank you for offering to take care of Arabella on Xmas day when she was only 1 month old and just wouldn’t stop crying. Not everyone would take that on, I’ll always be grateful for you coming in my room where you heard me struggling and offering to help.
  • For giving me health and safety advice when I was stuck in a hotel during Hurricane Sandie. If there was one person I would have been happy to be with at that time, it was you because you would have made me feel safe. Nothing scared you. You were a true man.
  • For some of the most magical moments of my life like standing in the crowd at Glastonbury when Robbie Williams sang Angels, that’s a big deal for a 16-year-old.
  • My friend recently told me “you’re amazing Adele and it’s partly thanks to your dad”. What else is there to say.

 

I always tell the story how one of the only times in my life when I’ve been really irresponsible was when I decided to have a party in my hotel room in Abu Dhabi. Tony Paiton told me “ your dad would be proud of you” I knew this meant it would end badly! But man, was it fun. Story of your life basically.

Now this is the hard bit for me. I know you never thought I was proud of you but I really was dad and this is why. I would not have changed you for a thing, you made us strong.

 I AM PROUD OF YOU:

  • for taking me to buy my first bra at John Lewis, I ended up with a lacy red thing that probably wasn’t appropriate for a 14-year-old but you tried your best.
  • for having the strength to drive Lana and I back to Heathrow and put us on a plane to France so many times. That can’t have been easy, you were a better man for it.
  • all your certificates that used to hang in Brenda’s at womad
  • For being able to walk into any pub and make friends at the bar. The dodgier the better. From Rastafarians to Hell’s Angels, you had friends from all walks of life.
  • For giving me the courage to walk around my school in France wearing my England rugby shirt that I am wearing today whether England had beaten or lost to France at the weekend. You didn’t care what people thought, I’ll never forget when you came to visit me in Berlin and wore your “fast as fuck” hoodie.
  • Once at Glastonbury I watched you with my own eyes avoid a massive crowd crush by climbing on the top of a bridge and redirecting 10s of thousands of people.

 

  • Most importantly I am proud of you for showing us what to live authentically means. Very few people manage this and if I can live even half as authentically and true to myself as you did dad, I will be proud. Needless to say “work hard, play hard” was invented with you in mind.

 

I PROMISE TO:

  • always have smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on Christmas morning
  • drink pints in your honour
  • try and make you even more proud of me than you were
  • dance in the mud all night at Glastonbury (talking of which if anybody has ticket, come and talk to me J), to take Arabella to WOMAD and by the way she wanted to say she loves you Granddad
  • make sure all your children stay in touch with each other
  • to put my happiness first as you told me to do.
  • go to New Orleans where you always wanted to go
  • watch every France versus England rugby game religiously for the rest of my life
  • To not look back and to be happy.
  • And I finally I promise to be one of those people, who has stories, just like you did because sensible can be wrong sometimes.

 

Very few people can say “ if I die tomorrow, I’ll die a happy man because I’ve done so much in my life”, you said that and you meant it. It gives me great relief to know you died happy and typically under your own terms. As per Mark Twain (thank you Adrian): “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time”

Over and Out, it’s time to switch the radio off.

Linking up to Honest Mum’s Brilliant Blog Posts

 Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

 

You Were Amazing Dad or Therapy Through Blogging

This time last week I was in Mauritius with my mum and daughter making the most of our last day in paradise. It was hot, the only worry on my mind was “will the taxi turn up on time tonight for the airport?” and I was completely relaxed after a great 10 days of not doing much.

This morning I’m sat on a train going to Dorset to start dealing with funeral arrangements for my dad, who died a few days ago. There are so many worries on my mind that I can’t even process it all or sleep past 6.30 at the moment.

About 6 hours after he died, I thought “I’m over this, I feel fine” , people have probably written essays on that type of reaction. It must be some kind of defence mechanism and it’s probably not very healthy. I’m not over it and I’m going to write about it. Some people might not understand why I want to make my feelings public but I know it’s going to help me and frankly at the moment I really don’t care about being judged. I’ll post as many photos on Facebook as I want, go out as much as I want and just deal with it however I want to.

What makes me sad the most is that he couldn’t live his last years to the full due to pain and illness, that’s a shame. I’m the eldest of his 5 children and I was lucky that he gave me away at my wedding and met my daughter – my brothers and sisters won’t have that and that’s painful. If my youngest half sister graduates from university, I’ll make sure I’m there and unlike dad, T I promise you that when they are handing out a diploma for a slightly boring sounding degree I won’t shout out “I bet he’s fun at a party!”. I think this was before he fell asleep and Granny had to poke him because he was snoring so loudly…


Yep that was typical dad (typical of him, he definitely wasn’t a typical dad in good and bad ways) – he spoke his mind and didn’t give a damn what anybody thought. What was also typical and sometimes comical (and sometimes very annoying) was his ability to exaggerate a fact…indeed dad was not perfect by any means and had an uncanny ability to “enhance” the truth. He worked at festivals and clearly met famous people but which ones he “saw” versus “met”, I’ll never know and now I don’t care.

In times like these you start to see the influence people had on you. My love of rugby comes from him, I didn’t inherit his love of Chelsea FC though (#arsenal) nor his love of Stella, man that stuff is disgusting.

I do love a festival though and I will forever be grateful for all the summers I spent working and having fun at festivals, it seriously enriched my life. The people I’ve met, the music I’ve heard, the experiences I’ve had at festivals are a big part of my life and I will always be thankful for that.

There is so much more to say, so many more memories and mixed emotions. I forgive you for forgetting my 18th birthday (and some others…) you came to Berlin for my 21st so that made up for that.

So what was amazing about my dad? He embodied our surname “Armstrong” – he worked outside most of his life and could do work guys 20 years younger couldn’t, he had tons and tons of friends from hell’s angels to a disabled guy, who he looked after at WOMAD and made sure he had a pass to the site every year to people he used to play rugby with and what seems like half of the UK’s festival crew. Anybody who met him would always remember him, he really would help people if he could, he was flamboyant and fun and I recently discovered that he said years ago “if I die tomorrow, I’ll die a happy man” and that gives me great comfort.

He lived most days like it could be his last, this did mean not much sleep (which eventually caught up with him) but he had more good times in his life than 50 average people put together.

I get my belief in “carpe diem” from you dad and I’ll do my best to live life to the full (I might just be a bit more reasonable and sleep more!).  The Armstrong show must go on.

The Highs and Lows of the Past 24 Hours

Lows:

  • Getting up at 4.40AM to go to the airport
  • Not getting what you wanted out of the work trip
  • Getting home at 11PM
  • Seeing your daughter for 30 mins in those 24 hours
  • Break your favourite glasses ever in 2 at the airport
  • People staring at your sellotaped glasses
  • Spending £££ on new glasses
  • Buying lunch then realising you had brought lunch in
  • Wanting to take your mum to the Seychelles as she’s always dreamed of going back and realising it is just too expensive
  • Storm Doris causing the cancellation of your train home
  • Not realising the trains had been cancelled until you got to the station and it was PACKED
  • Getting home to a wine free house
  • Hopefully nothing else

Highs

  • Seeing your friend/client blossoming as a pregnant woman
  • Walking along Lake Geneva in the sun
  • Beer and crisps at the airport (it’s the little things, especially when everything is shit!)
  • Getting on the Heathrow Express with one minute to spare
  • Man at the opticians managing to temporarily glue your glasses back together so you can work and see until the new ones are ready 
  • Being told your vision has got a tiny bit better (I’m telling you it’s the little things, I’ll take anything at this point!)
  • Being lucky enough to live somewhere where there is the overground and the tube so you can get home despite storm Doris
  • Trying on the new bargain sale clothes you ordered and then fitting perfectly 

I’m kind of exhausted, drink anybody?!?

How To Have a Stressful Morning With a Toddler

  1. Wake your toddler up, which is always a bad sign as they are bound to be tired
  2. First warning sign is the first thing they say “I want to stay at maison” (this use of 2 languages distracts you and you don’t realise what’s about to happen)
  3. Tell toddler it’s time to go to nursery and put their shoes on, they run away faster than Bolt
  4. Manage to get their shoes on, go to brush your teeth, come back and said shoes have been taken off in record time and toddler is now hiding
  5. It’s 7.47AM
  6. Pick toddler up and wrestle the shoes back on to a background of screaming
  7. Toddler is now very angry and attacks you like an enraged cat
  8. Tell toddler to calm down and be nice, toddler looks you in the eye and starts shouting “my glasses”, whilst trying to rip them off your face
  9. Strap toddler into buggy
  10. Walk outside, hair ruined by wind

Happy Monday everyone!