It’s probably about time I wrote to you since you died over a year ago now, unlike me I didn’t make a big sing and dance about on social media, instead I got drunk on cider at a campsite overlooking Portland. Plus ca change

I’m not quite sure what I’m trying to do here except for feeling better, putting some thoughts to paper and keeping the connection with you going, we wrote to each other much more than we ever spoke on the phone so to me this makes sense. 

First things first, on Monday I’m speaking in front of hundreds and hundreds (perhaps even a thousand ) people at a crypto conference in Barcelona and 2 hours later I’m being interviewed by Nasdaq. I’m terrified but know you would have been so proud and would have been watching the live stream front in front of your computer (most likely after asking Romain for some help !)

You would have sent me a good luck message on Monday morning via messenger and told me not to worry because I’ve been worrying about failing since I was about 3 years old (there is proof of this in my school report from when I was 5 and the teacher mentioned that I was a very capable girl who needs to believe in herself more) and haven’t actually ever really failed. Where all these contradictory confidence issues come from and why they persist I don’t understand but it does make things more difficult, yes I’ve been worried about this conference from weeks but I agreed to do it because I know there is no growth with tout change and challenge and I know I’m always glad I did it after the fact.

We often talk about you with Arabella, we made apple crumble yesterday, she always talks about how you made the best apple crumble from apples found in the field behind your house, these days they call that a “core memory” – no pun intended.

Tomorrow night Ewan and I are going to see New Order with friends, I know Joy Division was one of your favourite bands when you were young (something you only told me a few years ago after I explained that one of the photos in living room is of them), what else did I not know about you???

I think I’ll do this more often.

I love you mum