I haven’t blogged for ages so I thought I would try and make this post a good one. Most of you will be familiar with “Facebook memories” and this week my trip to Abu Dhabi from April 2009 popped up and brought back quite some “memories” indeed…

2009 was a big year for me and I am not going to go into all the details here so I will stick to my funny “chav” adventure, an important detail to note is that I went to Abu Dhabi single for the first time in about 5 years.

So what happened? Who is this chav? Well he was nicknamed “Gav the Chav” by my BFF, part of me thinks he doesn’t even deserve a blog post but there are some funny parts to the story and the whole thing is so out of character for me I think it deserves a mention (plus it’s a bit more interesting than baby stuff…).

So here I am, a few months after a horrible breakup on my way to Abu Dhabi to work at a festival with my sister. There was no plan to find a man out there at all but somehow I ended up flirting with this liverpudlian with curly hair, I got drunk one night and ended up telling him I liked him. He was shocked (red flag number 1) but clearly delighted, anyway he lived in the UAE, I flew back to London and about a week later he arrived in London and came to stay. This was all very fast, I hardly knew him but it was just some fun. The whole thing lasted about 2 months until he dumped ME by TEXT but here are some “highlights” of this ridiculous infatuation:

• he only had one pair of shoes and they smelt bad so he had the genius idea to put TCP in them to get rid of smell, my whole house smelt of the stuff
• the morning after he arrived in London, we went out for a walk and he had music playing out loud through his phone that he had attached to his shorts, WHY DID I NOT SAY ANYTHING?
• my dad thought he was a bit “dodgy” (BIGGEST RED FLAG IN HISTORY)
• he didn’t really have a job or anywhere to live and I ended up giving him a weekly allowance that he was going to pay me back as soon as he got a job (WHAT WAS I THINKING?!)
• we stayed in a hotel one night and he arrived before me but couldn’t check in because he didn’t have a credit card
• he told me he thought he had a son, he had seen the kid and he had curly hair too and the mum was one of his ex-girlfriends (for some reason I didn’t think this was that bad?!)
• a month in I googled “can you get married at Glastonbury?” just before we went there (Thank god it isn’t possible to get married there!!!)
• I will never forget walking down the street in a nice white dress and expensive sunglasses whilst he was wearing an Everton shirt and smelly trainers
• I should have known I was in a haze of delirium when I didn’t want to introduce him to my granny or admit to anybody I had leant him money, deep down I knew it wasn’t right but as they say “Love” is blind
• there are more details I couldn’t possibly discuss here…

So after about 2 months, he sent me a text to tell me that I was making him feel crap about himself and always hassling him about getting a job etc and that he couldn’t take it anymore… A blessing in disguise really, did he ever pay me back? Nope. Will I ever be that naïve again? Nope. Do I regret it? Nope. Is it part of who I am? Yes.

There are people with stories and there are people without and clearly there are people who support Everton and who have smelly feet who are best avoided.