Category Archives: Life

We Wait

Posted in Life by

How can I not write about the Coronavirus…it’s the worst thing that’s happened to the world in my lifetime. Now everything I write is from my point of view and I’m aware it’s a privileged one as I live in a flat in London with one child only and have a big roof top space and am still paid a monthly salary. Still here are some of my thoughts.

First I keep thinking: what if Dad was still alive? What we have to say about this? Probably quite a lot of inappropriate things with some truths thrown in. I’m not sure how he would manage with the pub being closed…social distancing was the opposite of what he did his whole life. He had no interest in “alone time”. “Social distancing”, one of the things I had never heard of or said until a few weeks ago, it’s amazing how new words suddenly become so common such as lockdown, coronavirus, confinement etc…home schooling on the other hand is not part of my vocabulary, I prefer “survival”!

Secondly being a single mum has taken on a whole new meaning recently. I had to plan what food and other supplies to buy alone and I found that quite stressful, nobody to share the responsibility with. Then came lockdown and 24 hours a day with a 5 year old, nobody to keep an eye on her whilst I work, nobody to cook, nobody to clean and especially nobody else to sit next to on the sofa during the endless TV watching. I really felt the “I live alone” thing once this started and it’s not something I plan on keeping up for ever that’s for sure! However and this post is about being positive and I have lots of positive things to say , however I’d rather be alone than stuck with someone I can’t stand and I’m not alone really, I have many video calls and messages. I have really felt the support and love from my friends and family. The whole “you find out who matters and who cares” in these situations is very true. I’m so lucky to be “locked down” with my daughter, as much as it’s tiring and the never ending tidying up, cooking, cleaning, 6AM waking is ageing me rapidly, she is showing such creativity and humour and great ability to play alone, I’m so proud of her and she really is making it easier for me than it could be. Yes there are bad moments when she won’t get dressed, wants to participate in work calls and moans it’s “boring” but overall we are doing well. I don’t usually get to spend more than 2 days in a row with her. She goes to her dad’s next Friday for 9 days and it’s going to be long but I will need a break by then! The saying goes “you only get 18 summers with your children”, well as hard as it is, we’ve been given another summer and should try and appreciate it as much as possible

I’m not going to mention all the horror such as: being away from family, increase in domestic abuse (I couldn’t sleep because of this last week), deaths, economic impact etc…instead here are some ideas of what good could come from this (for the world and at my personal level): we now have proof the planet can recover to some extent from all the damage if pollution levels dramatically decrease, remote working is now proven to work, I’m now doing Joe Wicks every day so will soon have a super hot body (well I’ve done it twice!), if you were unsure and ever wanted to test your relationship: things must be becoming crystal clear by now! No excuse for a lack of spring cleaning: charity shops are going to be overwhelmed with donations after this I’m sure. Appreciation for hairdressers is also going to soar. Companies are showing their true colours (someone needs to come up with a Coronavirus rating to be added to ESG scores, yes I sell financial data for a living…) Appreciation for our health service and other keys workers has gone up and will hopefully stay up. The sense of “we’re in this together” is strong. The way wealth is distributed could change (wishful thinking).

Just imagine when this is over how good that first drink in a pub will taste (I’m dreaming of my first Aperol Spritz), that first hug, that first kiss, that first day back at school, that first concert, that first swim in the sea, that first time you walk back in a restaurant, that first bbq with friends and family, the first time children are reunited with their friends, that first holiday! There will be many firsts and I’m sure things we used to take for granted and didn’t appreciate will just feel better. We get to go things again for the first time and it’s going to be amazing.

Coming Full Circle

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That’s me on my wedding day in June 2012 at Shoreditch House and today I’m bowling all my self doubt and “negative core beliefs” away after an amazing event at that same exact venue. I hadn’t been back since my wedding day and hadn’t realised how much of an impact this workshop that included guided meditation and “Emotional Freedom Technique” would have. It was emotional, powerful and made all the more poignant by the fact not only is it International Women’s Day but N that I met through Frolo, which is a community for single parents invited me along. How life has changed in those 8 years.

From the outside I bet I seem to be dealing so well with being a single working mum but it’s not always easy. Yes I am proud of how I’ve coped but still it’s moments like cooking a Sunday roast for 2 people only when it really hits you and then the trauma (of my life until now I guess) also shows itself in the good old imposter syndrome at work for example. It’s all linked.

There is nothing like repeating things like “childhood is fxxxxxx hard” and “I am OK, I am amazing” etc in a room full of women (and 2 men) whilst visualising your 3 main “negative core beliefs” disappearing into a river for ever to feel empowered. As my colleague T would say “be more Beyoncé” but as the lady said today “even Beyoncé has self doubt”, it’s making sure that’s the least often possible that counts.

I know this might sound a bit “air fairy” but it helped me. When I was a teenager, I was told by my step dad that I was such a cold person, I would never love anyone fully nor would I be completely loved. Shit like marks you and there was a lot more, that’s just one example. A few failed relationships and a divorce later and I can tell you all sorts of doubt sets in BUT I will do my best to stay on this new path of strength and positivity. I just wanted to write this down so I don’t forget this moment. I do love my life and in particular all the women in it, I am very lucky in so many ways  but it doesn’t mean I always feel like Beyoncé. I’m closing the door shut on all of that.

What I Would Tell My 15 Year-Old Self (who was crying in the toilets of her new school)

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Last night something happened that made me want to be able to tell my 15 year old self a few things…

Back in September 1997, I started “lycee”, I was the only one from my senior school, who went to this school so I knew nobody. At the time I was shy and felt so lonely on the first day, when everyone seemed to know somebody that I went into the toilets to cry, I will never forget it. Well Adele of September 1997, I wish you had known the following because it would have cheered you up for sure. This is also a message to anybody, who is really shy or doesn’t have much confidence.

I will leave what happened last night to the end, the first thing you need to know is by choosing the better school but the school where you knew nobody you changed your life by taking the hard route. This is because you will do so well in your Baccalaureat that you will go to a great university in London and leave rural France behind and your life will change for ever, you can’t imagine the people you will meet or the places you will go. Also you might not have any friends on the first day but you will make friends for life that you still see today. You’ll watch rugby together go on holiday together, go through many “firsts” together. Here are some pics of the good old late 90s…

 

Even after you leave France and go to university, you will go on holiday with some of them:

 

Your shyness will disappear bit by bit over the years and your confidence will build, you will still 20 years later have moments of absolute doubt and this bloody impostor syndrome will rear its head from time. But you need to know that the people you meet at university, the job you get in The City and the people you meet after that will change your life completely. And it’s all because you chose a different path in 1997 and then an even harder one in 2000 when you went to university in London.

I wish I could tell you that the following will happen:

  • You will actually start enjoying and become good at public speaking. You will get up at a wedding in Sweden, 6 months pregnant with no preparation and give a speech in front of everybody. You will chair a meeting of finance people in both the Four Seasons hotels in Paris and Geneva and get them to talk about data (not something you are aware of in 1997 but it will become a big part of your life). Sadly but very bravely you will give a great speech at Dad’s funeral. When in 2000 you get your life-changing Baccalaureat results, you will be interviewed (well you will actually go up to the journalist and ask to be interviewed) by French national television.
  • You will turn up alone at a pub in February 2013 to meet 20 traders and brokers for drinks before the England-France match at Twickenham and talk with all them without any issues despite not being like them, finally  the one person you know will arrive later. You then watch the game and end up hours later at a private members bar in London, meet a famous actor (you don’t recognize him but he turns out to be “Mister Grey”) and give him all sorts of life advice. YOU give an actor advice, the girl, who was too shy to call a swimming pool to ask them their opening hours.
  • You will end up with people from very different backgrounds to yours, many times at dinners where everybody else was born rich but you will fit in because after years and years of mixing with different people you get more confident and learn that money really doesn’t necessarily mean people are better than you (far from it).
  • You will meet Jeremy Corbyn and ask him for a selfie (same with Eva Longoria), you will speak to Monica Lewinsky, you will sit next to the US basketball team’s wives at the Olympics, you will tell a Bollywood star you have never heard of her etc. You just are not scared of speaking to people anymore.

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The list goes on, you will end up in ridiculously amazing places and the main lesson you will learn as far as being shy and speaking to strangers is: “what’s the worst that can happen?”. Not much it turns out, a few people will be rude but in 99% of cases, it will be fine. I want to tell you it will all be fine, you will do so much better than you ever thought, you won’t cry in a toilet again from loneliness (for other reasons yes, clearly it’s not all plain sailing) and on September 29th 2019, you will be in a fancy restaurant in London and will go up to Olivier Giroud (Arsenal and now Chelsea and also France player) and tell him you are big fan whilst he is eating with his friends. You will hesitate and think to yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?”, the worst thing would be not to talk to him because you probably won’t meet him again so you go over and have a chat et voila, don’t worry Adele of 1997, you made the right decision.

 

 

 

Dad, Here’s What’s Been Happening In 2018

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Hi Dad,

I thought I’d give you a bit of an update on 2018 as it’s very nearly over!

Nobody has killed Trump yet

Brexit is the biggest shambles in UK history, nobody knows what the fxxx is going on

Liverpool are top of the Premier League

France won the World Cup (England did surprisingly well, we all got very excited and started singing “Football’s coming home” multiple times a day, we even won an important game on penalties!!!!)

Bitcoin went down the toilet (not sure it was a “thing” before you died but as you read The Times every day, you probably had heard of it)

Everyone also got very excited about using the space bar on iPhones as a cursor, who knew?!

Lana and I saw Beyoncé and Jay-Z and they were AMAZING

I got divorced on July 4th, Independence Day!

Arabella turned 4 a few weeks ago and you would have so much fun with her, she’s absolutely crazy, some weird mix of all of us, she can draw like mum and Sandie, is a drama queen like Lana and she loves attention like you (and me). You would be so proud of her, she really is the best girl in the world (obviously drives me absolutely round the bend).

Lana lived with us for a few months, which was really nice and has now moved back to France to be with the Love of her life, you need to know she is really happy, doing very well and is now my rock (I know it’s hard to believe but true!). Dad, she turned things around, you’d be proud of her too.

We spent Easter at Sophie’s with the boys, which was super nice and Louise, Tallulah and Ellie are coming for Christmas.

You would love “A star is born”.

Very very sadly both Solly and Richie (last year) lost one of their sons.

On a happier note Billy had a baby and Carrie got married!

You are the one, who gave me my love of Christmas, you made such an effort, often with limited means. Your old smelly work socks as stockings, smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and brandy butter – some of your traditions that I will carry on for ever.

We’re all OK Dad, we miss you terribly, especially at this time of year but there is a little bit of you in all of us. The world has gone mad that’s for sure and I hope you get to watch the show.

Merry Christmas Dad, I’m sure many glasses will be raised for you next week.

I love you

Xxx

One Year Older…

Posted in Life, Motherhood by

I turned 36 a month ago and was reminded today that Sex and The City is 20 years old…time is flying! I am going to start with saying that I have really been finding it quite tough recently. Indeed the life of a single working mum is bloody hard and I am one of lucky ones as I have a job and support. Also it was the anniversary of my dad dying, which didn’t help. Still I am feeling better, maybe it was because today was sunny or because I ate loads of M&Ms or because a few things reminded me of how lucky I am and am going to try and keep dragging my mood and confidence upwards over the next few weeks (slowly does it).

I have never been great at self care and have a tendency to not only keep my emotions in but also to “catastrophize” ( ; ) TM ) and then I closed a car door on my thumb, got really bad PMT, somehow convinced myself I was rubbish at my job (I am not), felt fat, wasn’t sleeping properly, got post holiday blues, indeed who wouldn’t feel sad at leaving this:

And ended up in some kind of downward spiral. A good and wise friend of mine asked me what I was doing about improving things and basically concluded that I needed a “win”. He was right so I spent a ton of money on Amazon buying all sorts of books, my mum arrived for a week, I looked at my performance at work and realized I am not rubbish, got some encouraging words from an old friend, spent Saturday evening at The Ned, which I love, slept more, bought some bargain shoes at TkMaxx, watched TED talks, discovered Love Island, cried and cried again and I am very happy to report that things are looking up! There were always going to be some tough moments during a divorce and following losing a parent whilst bringing up a feisty child to say the least:

So yep, I do have my vulnerable moments, moments where I actually wondered if I wasn’t depressed but took time to analyse the situation and make adjustments such as trying to sleep more and accept that I get really bad PMT since I gave birth. Losing a night’s sleep because I was in A&E for my thumb really didn’t help and was one of the catalysts for this not so great period.

Anyway, it’s time for Love Island, which is basically self care. Bisous everybody (bright dresses and smiles are a good thing!):

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2017 When You Were Up You Were UP But When You Were Down, You Were Seriously DOWN!

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This is my first blog post of 2018 and I just want to mention the bad bits of 2017 first so then I can MOVE ON.
This time last year I christened 2017 the Year of Fun and in many ways it was but it was also the year of heartache. My dad died, I have 3 colleagues, who also lost a parent, 2 of my dad’s best friends lost a son and I started divorce proceedings. So there you go, 2017 was definitely a rollercoaster of a year, it’s not ideal to lose a parent and a marriage at the same time to say the least… Strangely seeing my dad very sick gave me the courage to say enough was enough and finish my marriage. Indeed when you see someone’s life slipping away, it gives you that kick up the arse to move yours in another happier, healthier and better direction. My dad would approve and would be proud I’m sure. My dad would also be very proud of the changes my sister has made, I won’t elaborate but the way she is turning her life around is one of the highs of 2017.
Last year, I made 17 goals ( 17 Goals For 2017 ) and here’s a recap of what I achieved and didn’t!
Listen to more live music (lots of different genres) anybody want to be my concert buddy?! FAIL: I did see Adele, which was great and Bananarama but not much else. Must try harder this year!

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Have a girls night out at least once a month MIXED: I haven’t kept track of this but I do feel like I’ve seen girlfriends at least once a month. This is something that is important to me so I think I might host a girls’ dinner once a month at least and plan ahead so then I know this will happen!

Go back to Ibiza DOUBLE SUCCESS: I went back twice! White sangria on a beach on a Sunday afternoon, staying in the same hotel as Eva Longoria, Lychee martinis at Nobu and sunsets at Experimental beach – there isn’t much else to say!

Sort my hair out without becoming too mumsy FAIL: I haven’t changed my hair, it’s still the same mid-length kind of brown…

Go clubbing in Berlin with my friend M FAIL!

Be more stylish – Not sure I can be the judge of that!

Do something really out of my comfort zone – not sure what yet! SUCCESS-Spending time with people that are SO different to you and going to places you really don’t normally go to and going to Ibiza twice – enough said
Regain confidence, I lost some in 2016, need to get it back! SUCCESS: a picture speaks a thousand words

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Taken on New Year’s Eve 2017

Keep the blog going and make it better and get more out of it- MIXED It’s still going but that’s about it, except for some free (but very nice by the way!) Polish bread and cakes…

Reduce meat and dairy consumption by a third (have a veggie hello fresh box one week a month) SUCCESS!

Go to reformer pilates at least 4 times a month FAIL

Get a subscription to Vanity Fair and the Economist SEMI-FAIL: I now have an Economist subscription, don’t always read the whole thing…

Speak to Arabella in French 95% of the time FAIL: I need to decide to speak to her in French or not, it’s just not 100% natural but I know she will thank me later…

Feel more goosebumps SUCCESS: listening to Adele live, admiring the beauty of Santorini, watching A at her first ballet class

Cry more tears of joy – Well…let’s just say that there have been tears in 2017 and mostly not of joy but I have definitely been happy despite everything

Have more “this is amazing” moments – SUCCESS: despite the double D situation well I definitely have had those moments I was hoping for. These were the highs:
The weather being perfect the day of my dad’s funeral, I mean unseasonable warm and not a cloud in the sky. Admiring the view from a hot tub in Santorini, sledding down a mountain at midnight in Switzerland in absolute silence, cycling round Formentera, taking selfies with Eva Longoria, brunch at The Ned on a Sunday ( I know I am slightly obsessed!), yellow tail sashimi at Nobu by the sea in Ibiza, watching the most amazing sunset on the first night of my holiday in Mauritius with my mum and daughter and being proud that I could take us there. Spending the day at a country hotel with very old girlfriends, watching Arsenal at the emirates in the best seats, seeing so many of the people I love at my birthday drinks, seeing friends become parents and so many of the funny things A comes out with. Getting drunk on Sangria on a Sunday afternoon in Ibiza and having to walk for an hour through fields because there were no cabs whilst laughing your head off, watching A dance in our hotel in Mauritius with the traditional dancers, an area at Reading festival being named after my dad

Spend New Years Even 2017 thinking back on what an amazing year 2017 was, ideally on a beach or a ski slope. MIXED – I didn’t make it to a beach or a ski slope but I was happy on New Year’s Eve, happy 2017 was over but also much more at peace emotionally than I was on the 31st of December 2016, which really was a low low. 2017 was as amazing as it could be given the circumstances

Obviously I have no idea what is going to happen in 2018 but here is what I hope for:
• To learn how to relax more, every time I go to reflexology I get told that I seem unable to switch off
• For all the pregnancies around me to go well
• To stop feeling the sense of failure I have at being a single mum
• For A to be happy despite the change in her circumstances
• For more highs and less lows
• To kick arse at work
• To be there for all the people that were there for me this year
• To keep meeting new lovely people
• To dance more
• For anybody I know considering a big change to find the courage to do it

And finally I want to thank all my friends and family for every call, every text, every email, every thought and every minute they spent with me last year. For being there for me when things were really tough. It took the worst of circumstances to remind me but I can tell you that I am very lucky and have many amazing people around me. I hope to see them all more this year. You know who you are, you are my family.

On that note, I am closing the door on 2017 with my head held high and my heart open.

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Girl, Where Do You Think You’re Going?

Posted in Happiness Project, Life, travel by

Now that is something I’m never going to try and figure out again. The other day I was re-reading the post I wrote at the beginning of this year with my goals for 2017 Here and realised quite a few had been reached against all odds! And the odds are the 2 D words (so you know not just any odd hurdle…), no need to spell them out.

I might not know where I’m going (seriously after this year, I have no idea!) but I’ve been to some amazing places this year and as the sun slowly starts to set on 2017, I can confirm the following (this is probably going to sound like an empty list of platitudes and cliches but here goes…) :

  • Resilience is a force to be reckoned with
  • The worst of times can be linked to the best of times in mysterious ways. For example the weather on the day of my dad’s funeral was absolutely amazing, perfect, unseasonably warm and sunny. 2017 was destined to be the worse year ever but I have survived and actually had some amazing moments, there is always light and hope.
  • Music is more powerful than I ever thought, listening to Lemonade by Beyoncé has got me through some dark times and seeing Adele live was pretty special
  • Even though sunsets represent the end of the day, I have a bit of “a thing” for them and see them in a very positive light, not just because they are beautiful (3 of my favourite ones from this year are below, I am very grateful I got to see such amazing ones this year…) but also because, as with 2017, I have learnt that sometimes the end is actually the beginning

This is a bit of a random post, I will definitely write one at the end of the year to go over how many of those goals I reached!

As for 2018, come to mama…

PS: yes there are a few Lady Gaga “Joanne” references in this post…

17 Goals For 2017

Posted in Life by

Happy New Year everybody! First things first – I am declaring 2017 the Year of Fun because 2016 just was  not fun enough to my liking. Let’s not forget we only get one life…

Let’s do a quick recap of why 2016 wasn’t my happiest year:

20% politics, terrorism and war – basically the year the world lost the plot

5% loss of great artists

75% unbloggable personal crap

However there were some highs that I blogged about:

Going to Ibiza , it was so nice and so much fun!

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I was miraculously thin during 2016, one good thing that I hope lasts!

Finding the perfect work dress

Spending 10 days in the sun with my mum

My best friend also had a second baby, one of my great friends got married, another is pregnant, all my girlfriends seem to be doing well, which is great but 2016 was lacking in fabulous, amazing moments. There were some lovely moments but could do better basically! I wanted to end 2016 on a high so yesterday, cheeks and I went for lunch at  The Hoxton, one of my favourite places in London:

CHEERS! BYE 2016!

I wore my AMAZING new shoes from Air and Grace, which make me happy

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Anyway 2016 is over! So here are my 17 goals/resolutions/hopes for 2017:

17 Things I’m going to aim to do/achieve in 2017 (it’s a very varied list!)

  1. Listen to more live music (lots of different genres) anybody want to be my concert buddy?!
  2. Have a girls night out at least once a month
  3. Go back to Ibiza
  4. Sort my hair out without becoming too mumsy
  5. Go clubbing in Berlin with my friend M
  6. Be more stylish
  7. Do something really out of my comfort zone – not sure what yet!
  8. Regain confidence, I lost some in 2016, need to get it back!
  9. Keep the blog going and make it better and get more out of it
  10. Reduce meat and dairy consumption by a third (have a veggie hello fresh box one week a month)
  11. Go to reformer pilates at least 4 times a month
  12. Get a subscription to Vanity Fair and the Economist
  13. Speak to Arabella in French 95% of the time
  14. Feel more goosebumps
  15. Cry more tears of joy
  16. Have more “this is amazing” moments
  17. Spend New Years Even 2017 thinking back on what an amazing year 2017 was, ideally on a beach or a ski slopeAnd here are some pictures to remember the good times of 2016:

    Post boob nap

    And here is one to set the tone of 2017:

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A Quick Note From The Four Seasons in Hampshire

Posted in Life, Motherhood, travel by

Hello everyone!

A and I are staying at the Four Seasons in Hampshire this weekend and I just wanted to write a quick blog post about how life can change.

I came here the first time in May 2014 to celebrate mine and 2 of my best girlfriend’s birthdays. I announced I was pregnant that weekend. Next week my best friend is giving birth to her second child and this weekend I’m having a mother/daughter weekend away back here in this amazing hotel.

Neither of us had any idea what becoming a mum would be like that’s for sure. There is so much to write about on the topic but this evening as A ate spaghetti bolognese (risky business in a posh hotel I know), I sat next to her having a margarita because a day travelling and then discovering a hotel with a toddler is tiring and can be stressful. I simply had no idea when I was pregnant what it means to be “tired”, I also didn’t know how much I pleasure the following could bring:

– falling asleep next to your toddler on a great big bed

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-eating a massive lunch outside at the end of September with your toddler, who is on her best behaviour and saying “hello” to everyone

-coming up with the amazing plan to put the cot in the (big!) bathroom so you can eat room service and drink camomile tea in front of X Factor without worrying about waking her up!

A genius end to a lovely but long day!

 

 

Career Change and Happiness – The Inspirational Women of Walthamstow

Posted in Happiness Project, Life, Motherhood by

A few months ago on the train on my way home, in a moment of “there must be more to life than this”, I posted the following on my local parents’ FB group: “OK parents, who LOVES their job and if so what do you do? Has anybody left a safe/well paid job to follow their passion/dreams and earn a lot less money? I’m sure there are some very happy inspirational local people out there! Parent related as a happy parent helps make a child hap-py! (In theory at least) Yes, it’s been one of those weeks…”
There were 93 comments to my post and even more “likes”, that’s when I realised that this was definitely a hot topic and I had to share it on my blog. Some people shared their career stories and some shared their dilemmas. Indeed the logistics of childcare (opening times, costs etc.), request for flexible working, the traditional office setup, financial pressures, stress etc make it hard for people (parents or not) to find a good work/life balance. Having children was definitely the overwhelming factor in promoting people to rethink their careers and the loss of earnings was definitely the biggest factor in preventing a career change. It’s also scary to leave a stable career and completely change direction, it takes courage and removing owns safety net is never easy but from what I’ve read with the support of friends, family and other organisations it can be done and nobody seems to regret it! Running campsites seems to be a common dream! What’s yours? I’m still to determine what mine is and I think that can be the problem, people aren’t always happy but are unsure what would make them happy…
There were so many amazing stories, so much courage, people following their dreams, people making it work, it was really inspiring. My motto is “carpe diem” and I don’t always follow it but these local women have and I hope you enjoy their comments and stories. So pour a glass of wine and settle in for one of my longest blog posts ever. Thank you to all the contributors! (I have only used the extra info sent directly for me to be used on this blog not the other comments).
I have tried to organise them into different sections:
• Teaching
• Charity/Helping Others
• Social media
• Creative
• Other

These were the follow up questions they kindly answered:
-what did you do before your big career change?
-what helped you take the big step? (A particular event, someone’s support etc)
-what do you do now and how does it make you happy?
-what was the hardest thing about changing careers?
-what would be your advice be to anybody unsure about making a big career change/following their dreams?
So let’s see who loves their job and who took the big step of changing careers!
Teaching:

Lots of people mentioned they loved their jobs as teachers, I don’t have any detailed stories but from primary school to university, it seems like teachers do it out of passion and therefore the right reason so seem to live their jobs even though it can be very stressful  and hard work from the comments I saw and from the teachers I know.

 

Charity/Helping Others:

J: “Before my career change I was doing admin and IT roles in various schools. The thing that changed my mind was after I had my daughter I got involved in a breastfeeding charity, and absolutely loved it, and decided I needed to do that for a living because it felt like it made a difference – seemed like midwifery was the means to the right end. I now manage a midwifery-led birth centre and absolutely adore it – it gives me a real sense of achievement and has restored my own confidence in my skills and self! Massively stressful because it’s a nursing job in the NHS but worth every moment. The hardest part was studying and worrying about money and getting poor support from my partner at the time, on top of being a mother, but I got there in the end! My biggest piece of advice would be explore every option. I didn’t know how I’d afford it before I spoke to UCAS – there are millions of pounds of unclaimed bursaries out there especially for minority groups – get everything you possibly can and go for it!”

S
“1) I worked for an energy company in the City as a contracts negotiator
2) having my baby and wanting to be with him (part time wasn’t granted) whilst he was little helped me in taking the decision to change career
3)I have two businesses: I am a cloth nappy retailer and advisor (www.nappylove.co.uk) and a Hypnobirthing practitioner (www.hipmamahypnobirthing.com). With the first job I know every nappy I sell is about 300 less disposable nappies in a landfill. A real difference. And I know with teaching my antenatal course I make a difference in empowering women to get the right birth on the day.
4) the hardest thing was…letting go. Of the security of the payslip, the benefits, the perks etc. Once you get going, you just use that momentum
5) don’t be scared, you will need to be open to learn new skills but apart from that it’s exhilarating to be solely responsible for a business venture, whatever that is. Beats any day in the office”

C: 1. I was a PA in further education 2. There was a massive restructure and I realise I was happy anymore and wanted more 3. I’m a midwife now and so glad I made the change 4. Training and studying meant sacrificing time with friends and family and especially my daughter who was 5 when I started my training but for 5 she was incredibly understanding when mummy had to work and study 5. Do as much research as you can it’s a huge step and make sure you have the support of those around you as when the stressful times come you will need them for help, love and support…and wine lots of wine 😆😆 lol”

Creative/Social Media/Arts:

M: “Since graduating I’d been an Artist-in Residence, taught in art centres and made a few murals to commission for schools. I moved to London in ’97 and got sucked into a full-time Web Editor job (because the money was good and the team lovely and I felt like a teeny fish in a massive pond here so was scared t push the art) Getting RSI (from long hours on computer) was a blessing in a way. In ’99 I set up Artyface Community Art and it has been enormously satisfying, making public art and community murals (the one at Winns and also the ones opposite The Camel pub behind the Buddhist Centre Bethnal Green to name a few). Making, teaching, training other artists in clay and mosaics, involving parents and community, enabling teachers and children to try something new- and to transform blank walls for everyone to enjoy. It’s been hard work, current austerity cuts are biting all school budgets, but I am very proud of the past 17 years of hard work. I am also a single mum and sometimes I feel I am not doing anything well enough, but everyone feels like that don’t they, with small kids? Www.artyface.co.uk is our website and we work with primaries, secondaries and nurseries: around 4,000 participants a year. Sometimes I’d love to retire because I’m exhausted… But I can’t afford to and I do love what I do. ”

L:
“Q: what did you do before your big career change? A: marketing manager working a 9-5 in central London for a well-known British heritage brand.
Q: what helped you take the big step? (A particular event, someone’s support etc) A: a friend at work who I respected immensely was in a similar position to me; I wanted to work and quite liked my job but I struggled emotionally to leave my little boy at nursery every day 8-6. My partner and i both hated our work life balance and felt like we were on a constant work treadmill. My work friend quit to do Digital Mums and it gave me the confidence to make the change too.
Q: what do you do now and how does it make you happy? A: after graduating from Digital Mums last year we moved to Folkestone and I now have my own marketing and social media consultancy Stokes & Co. I work flexibly from home mostly, around my little boy’s child care. He even gets involved in my work-recently taking part in a photo shoot I had to arrange for a client. We are all so much happier as my work actually works for me and my family; and I’m passionate about marketing again.
Q: what was the hardest thing about changing careers? A: the fear of the unknown and leaving a solid well paid job that I probably could have had for life if I’d wanted. Also leaving behind the office dynamic; most days it’s just me, my laptop and radio for company.
Q: what would be your advice be to anybody unsure about making a big career change/following their dreams? A: have a plan and try and stick to it-imagine what would life look like in 2 years if you made the change (the ups and downs). And also take stock of your finances. We realised that moving out of London, my working from home and our childcare costs for a 3 year old meant we didn’t need my big full time London salary to have a good lifestyle”

Other:

C:
“1) What did you do before your big career change? I trained as a secondary school teacher. I started in a school teaching French and when I left, I was also teaching French in the local primary schools.
2) What helped you take a big step? Every school holidays, I used to be unhappy. I was working more than 50 hours a week and didn’t have the time to rest nor think about anything else than work. I liked it though! And every school holidays, I used to say “I cannot carry on, it’s too hard” and each time I was going back to work after the break, the ball was rolling again and I didn’t have a second left in my timetable to think about anything else than work. In 2013, I had a baby and stayed at home for a bit. I was super happy to go back to work to be honest, life at home with a small baby was not for me at all. I started working my usual 50 hours a week… However my life had changed: I had to get up several times during the night and I was tired during the day. To be able to do all my work, I had to work after putting my son to bed and at the weekend, both Saturdays and Sundays. I guess it was bound to happen: I had a nervous breakdown, I was in tears in the car on the way to school, in tears on the way back because I had a shitty day, miserable at home, not enjoying my little boy. So what made me take a big step? I was concerned about my health and I wanted a change of lifestyle. I wanted a job with more flexibility and that would be a 100 times less stressful.
3) What do you do now and how it makes you happy? I now work in the publishing industry. After quitting my teaching job, I did a MA in Publishing and I enjoyed studying again, taking more time for myself. I work in a small publishing company and for now (touch wood), I haven’t had to bring work at home.
4) What was the hardest thing about changing careers? It was realising that I wasn’t happy and that my son wouldn’t be happy if I wasn’t. It was also very hard to leave something I loved. I was good at my job but I think I didn’t get the right support when I was going through a hard time.
5) What would be your advice to anybody unsure about making a big career change/following your dreams? I wouldn’t advise “go for it!”. I would advise to think about the different alternatives, research what can be done and how it can be done. You need to know what is going to come ahead (applying for more than 30 jobs without getting any interviews) and save money! Career changes are expensive!”
L:
“-what did you do before your big career change?
I actually stayed in the same industry of UX (user experience) & Product design because I love it! But I switched from being at Lead level full time, manging teams and projects to an Independent freelancer
-what helped you take the big step? (A particular event, someone’s support etc)
Having my first child and the realisation of wanting more work/life balance but I did not want loose the career status I worked so hard at achieving as well as not wanting a pay cut. I knew I was experienced enough to manage my own time and efficient enough to pick projects that fit my skill set, so I wouldn’t waste time on projects that weren’t for me just because I was working for someone
-what do you do now and how does it make you happy?
I’m an independent UX and Product designer. I work on digital or products or services, usually apps or web based apps. It makes me happy because I only pick projects that I know my skillset is right for. I also pick projects that challenge me in the direction I want to advance my career. I also make sure my projects are open to flexible working hours as long as I manage expectations of the job at hand. It’s all about clarity and communication
-what was the hardest thing about changing careers?
The hardest part is losing the respect that I got as a manager, but that’s ok. In UK titles are more significant in decision making then in other cultures. I just have to prove and back up my ideas with a little more effort. At home I have a young child, family and expecting a baby soon and managing all that is enough for now, when they’re grown I can go back to the status/career thing, but it really doesn’t appeal to me now
-what would be your advice be to anybody unsure about making a big career change/following their dreams?
Speak to others that share you same ambitions, join groups, and go with your gut. Never be afraid to ask what what you want.
Before the change I spoke with other freelancers, an employment solicitor friend, and potential businesses I planned to target for work.
One big lesson I learned was to sell yourself, skills and experience before discussion flexible working. Once they love you, flexible working is no big deal. But if you start a conversation off with the idea that uou want flexible working, that sticks with them before they dive deep into skillset. I learned that the hard way. This group was very inspiring to me, they are all about flexible working : http://www.aherdtorunwith.com/”

P:”-what did you do before your big career change?

I was head of HR and Operations for a Charity

-what helped you take the big step? (A particular event, someone’s support etc)

2 reasons – I was in a very busy roll which constantly fed into my home life on a daily basis (i.e calls, emails etc during family time) and also the nursery my kids were at narrowly missed being shut down due to it’s lack of care and neglect. That’s when I realised that I had to sacrifice something and it certsinly wasn’t going to be my kids

-what do you do now and how does it make you happy? I returned to the nail and beauty field which has always been my first love! And I still continue to do HR work but on a consultancy basis. Both roles allow me to work at my own pace and more importantly around the kids
-what was the hardest thing about changing careers?

Money! I was giving up a very well paid job and taking that initial leap into the unknown world of freelance and irregular pay

-what would be your advice be to anybody unsure about making a big career change/following their dreams?

Go for it! It’s scary but if you don’t take a chance you’ll never know! We only get one go at life and it’s way to short to have regrets. I always told myself thst if it didn’t work out I could always work checkouts”

N:”1. A technology project manager in Investment banking

2 Taking a sabbatical year to travel to help me look at my options from a distance and get some perspective. Also I decided to do it slowly and retrain whilst my job remained the same

3 I am a career and business coach and I absolutely love it because it has real purpose (investment banking is a joke!), I predominantly help people take control of their careers or businesses and be happier. I also love running my own business – the challenge of being the accounts clerk, the marketing manager, CEO, digital person and actually do the job is amazing – I have learnt (and continue to learn) so much more about businesses and customers than I ever learn’t in 15 years in IT. I also love the flexibility that running your own business brings and the piece de resistence is the low stress lifestyle 🙂

4. Hardest thing was to truly believe in myself that I was capable of having a viable business that I could live off and dare to dream it was possible to still make a living without the long hours and stress.

5 Advice I would give is – try and make sure its the right choice of new career (over half my clients are working on “the decision what to do with the rest of my life” as they are concerned about making the wrong one) It is good to be cautious but don’t let that stop you taking the plunge. Speak to people who are doing that career/business already to find out more about it and what it’s like to work in that environment. Save money to help fund you through the transition (it’s easy to give up when money becomes a bit tight). Have a plan and know where you are on that plan at all times – it keeps you focused along the way. Have strategies for helping you through doubt (a friend you can call, something visual to focus you, whatever works for you) and find others who are going through a similar process so you can help support each other. Developing a network in the area you are moving into early is very important to your future success and if you can find a mentor all the better. A coach will also support you through the process and keep you on track, deal with fears and doubts, check the job/business is viable and meets your criteria/values and is right for your skills. I truly believe at the end of the day we only get one life and why spending 50 years of that doing something that we don’t love or that makes us unhappy.”

Inspiring right???? I have nothing to add, I am in awe of all these women. Go forth and be happy!

Please share your story if you have taken the plunge too and made a big career change or if you simply LOVE your job!