I was going to watch Baptiste but I just wanted to add my two cents to a debate going on on Instagram around whether you can understand what it feels like to be a single parent when you are “solo-parenting” for a period of time, meaning your partner is away.
My main point is that ALL parenting is hard and as a single mum of one, I have no idea what it’s like to have 2,3 or 4 children and looking after my daughter and a friend of hers for a few hours will never compare to doing it 24/7.
Now what I also believe and agree with is that parenting alone for a while gives you a taste of the logistical juggle that single parenting is but not of the emotional side of things. Yes you’ll realise that not being able to ask ANYBODY to help makes things a lot harder at home and you’ll realise that you need to be super organised to avoid chaos but you won’t know all the feelings that go with it and the sense of permanency of the situation and the lack of emotional support from the other parent.
On the other hand living together as 2 parents is no panacea either, living with someone who doesn’t help is probably a nightmare and very frustrating too. The grass is definitely not always greener and I feel very lucky and happy with my situation. Nobody knows what really goes on behind closed doors and I would never assume that “standard parenting a deux” means one parent is fully supported by the other (there should be an accent on that a but I can’t find it!).
I do see how all the posts like “I’m solo-parenting this week and it’s so hard, I don’t know how single parents do it” can offend/annoy/upset single parents. We “do it” because we have no choice and personally I do it with a lot of help from babysitters, a flexible employer and help from friends and family and a healthy dose of self motivational “I can do this shit by myself” type of attitude.
To parents who are “solo-parenting”:
-if you’re going to shout about it on social media just be aware that you are indeed dealing with similar logistics to a single parent BUT it’s temporary and you are in a very different position and you might get some negative comments by the way
To single parents:
-come and be part of the frolo_app community
-download the bubble app
-remember everything changes so doing it all alone may not last forever
And let’s not forget that it’s only recently that dads are so hands on and helpful. My mum and grandmother were not single mums but they sure did 99% of the parenting and everything house related.
By the way mum, if you’re reading this, thank you so much for spending hours re-organising A’s bedroom before you went back to France, I appreciate it more than if you bought be a Chanel bag (however if there are any rich readers out there, I won’t say no to one).
I’ve no idea what it’s like to parent in a slum or whilst having a night job or 4 kids or a sick partner etc etc but if ever I had a taste of it, I probably wouldn’t make a big deal of it. Find your community, those who can really understand you and be mindful of others’ feelings, that’s all.
They say “fed is best” with regards to babies, I say “parenting is best”, as long as you’re consciously parenting with care and love then it’s going to be OK.