Dear Arabella,

also known as: Bella-roo, boo, mini-B, crime dog junior, my love, ma cherie; this is the first letter I am writing to you. I will write many more I promise. I want you to know how you made me feel and I want to make sure I remember how you made me feel.

In a few weeks you will  be 3 months old, that’s the first thing “they say” that is true, babies grow up so fast. It’s hard to believe nearly 3 months ago I was waiting for you to come out and here’s the first thing I want you to know: the minute you were born it was like I had known you for ever. My mini-B was here and I really felt like I knew you, they had definitely handed me the right baby. Your chubby cheeks were unmistakable, definitely my baby! One of the first things I thought were “she’s so big and has so much hair”. I have to admit, your hair is legendary, a proper mohawk, you now have dreadlocks too from rubbing your head when you’re falling asleep. Yes it looks like you’re a homeless ragged dog but it’s okay, I love you anyway.

Talking of love, I love you Arabella and I always will. Here are some of the things I love about you:

-how alert and observant you are (hence “crime dog junior” as daddy likes to call you, I’m the other crime dog in case you’re wondering). I have the feeling it’s going to be hard to hide things from you. You’re definitely not one of those sleepy babies where “the lights are on but nobody is home”. You love watching TV, following people around the room, staring at lights and have recently noticed my phone. Let me make one thing clear: you will never be allowed to touch mummy’s phone because it’s nearly as precious as you, like seriously.

-your crazy spiky hair, I love the fact you have lots of hair, it adds a whole other level of cuteness

-our chats, indeed you already like chatting, I will never forget how you woke up on your 2 month birthday and had found your voice. I would love to know what you’re saying. Sometimes you try and cry and chat at the same time which creates some funny noises, it’s called multi-tasking, daddy (and most men) is not very good at it, mummy is.

-your smiles, no wonder we call you “smiley”. The first time you smiled, you were 3 weeks old and we were in the midwife’s office. I was crying because breastfeeding was so painful at the time and it upset me a lot. That smile made my day, it made all the pain go away, it made it all worth it and dried my tears. It always make laugh how sometimes you can be crying in your bed (resisting napping as usual) and then you see me and stop and smile. You know me and I know you.

-the fact  you trust me. Now I’m not sure many people would believe this bit but boo I am sure you trust me and that’s why you are a settled baby. You know I won’t let you starve (if you didn’t starve the first weeks you sure ain’t going to starve now!), you know I will always come back to get you, you know I am your mummy and will always love you.

And when you love someone this much you do things you wouldn’t do for anybody else. I would never have survived the agony of breastfeeding through tongue tie if I didn’t love you so profoundly nor would I have coped with sleep deprivation, I also managed to push you out through pure love and determination to meet you and make sure you were safe and healthy.

You are the cutest thing and have already taught me some valuable lessons. For example, I sometimes had a tendency to give up easily. I’ve learnt not to do that anymore and that through determination and love amazing things can happen. I could have given up on breastfeeding but am so glad I didn’t. I could go and pick you up when you are crying but I know you’re tired and leave you there and you always fall asleep, yes this is one of mummy’s tricks! I will admit I hated the first weeks of your life because of the feeding pain, which created chaos but you kept me going.

Thank you for knowing what to do when mummy didn’t, thank you for smiling at me when I needed it the most, thank you for challenging me, thank you for pushing me over my limits, thank you for showing me what unconditional all consuming love feels like, thank you for being mine.