Tag Archives: motherhood

Maman, Mummy and Mom

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I was born in England and then moved to France when I was 7 and came back to England to go to University when I was 18 years old and have been in London ever since, that’s my life basically and that’s why I am bilingue.

My introduction to the French language was quite traumatic, I was put in a French school knowing only a few words, namely: “bonjour, merci, aurevoir, s’il vous plait and chausson aux pommes (I was addicted to them so quickly learnt how to ask for one in the boulangerie). It wasn’t easy but it was definitely an effective way of learning the language as a few tears, lifelong traumatic childhood moments (they are for another post, it involved learning poems by heart…) and 3 months later I could speak French as well as the other enfants. I was even top of the class after the second trimestre (to be fair I was put back a year to help with the language barrier, I then jumped “CE2” two years later so I was back in the right school year).

Hopefully A’s language development won’t be so traumatic! So far I have been speaking both languages to her and now realise this isn’t going to work. I find it weird speaking French to her when I’m around people who only speak English but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do and so from now on it’s français all the way. This should avoid confusion and hopefully she will end up bilingual, its not going to be easy as she lives in England, has an American dad (hence one day if we live in the US, I will become “mom”, I don’t really like that idea as I associate that word with ‘soccer mom” and I cannot be one of those ! Shoot me if I do become one) and I am basically the only regular exposure she has to French. When she is older she can watch French TV and I must start reading French books to her. I’m convinced one of her first words will be “bisou” because I give her like 100 of those a day (did I just write “like”? I’m already becoming a MOM!)

The advantages of being bilingual are obviously numerous; I got my first “proper” job thanks to my language skills and they really helped my career. Also once you know one language, it really is easier to learn others, indeed there was a time when I spoke German (I have to blog about living in Berlin one day).

I have to stop being lazy and not worry about others and really make an effort to speak French to her so then hopefully we will be able to talk behind papa’s back without him understanding a word 🙂

How My Life has Changed in 7.5 Months

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Back in November 2014, out “popped” Bella-Roo and as the cliche goes “our lives were changed forever” but how so? Here are a few insights into my new life…

I am now thinner than before I got pregnant but my boobs will never be the same again, this is very sad as they used to be one of my best “assets”, I need to think of what my new “thing” will be and probably have to wear push up bras for the first time in my life. Sigh.

We no longer regularly eat in restaurants, again I am thinner (I’m not saying thin, let’s not get crazy here) but we spend less money.

I get excited when Bella-Roo sleeps past 7AM, I have indeed learnt to take pleasure in the “little” things. Indeed I now love Lidl chocolate, good bye Paul Young, hello SMP and Lidl.

I have an excuse to have beauty treatments at home in the evening, however this happens once about every 2 months (see SMP above).

Going to a bar on a Saturday night and being asked for my ID was probably the highlight of the year but then once I was in said noisy bar, I just felt like a MUM.

I have plenty of time to buy clothes online in the sale for Arabella for when she is older (this is called saving money Mister B), yet this means she has about as many clothes as me, good for any friends having a girl in the future bad for my wardrobe space.

I have a lot of time to read things on my phone so am quite up-to-date on current affairs, however I am getting tendinitis, yep life is hard.

The good times (her giggling, smiling, playing with her, teaching her things, putting her in cute clothes, seeing how she loves the bath etc) do make up for the bad times (the crying, dirty nappies, whining, trying to do everything with one hand, the mess from feeding her, the list goes on…). I’m definitely trying to make the most of it before I have to go back to work, oh no I won’t have to because I AM GOING TO WIN THE LOTTERY.

What Makes Me Angry As a Mum

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Since becoming a mum last November, I have been challenged emotionally. Of course I’ve discovered unconditional love and joy at little things etc. But I also get more angry and frustrated than I ever did and I am not ashamed to admit it.

There is one thing in particular that triggers these “negative” emotions:
Not managing to get A to nap. She’ll go from going down for her morning nap at 9AM for days in a row and one day just won’t. Or I’ll try and get her down for a last nap around 3 because surely she can’t be awake from 1.30PM til 7PM and it will be impossible. The worse is when she won’t even fall asleep in the buggy because as all mums know when all else fails, take them for a walk! It makes me angry that I resort to feeding her to sleep sometimes still, not always but sometimes I know that it will work. I should not get angry about that, it burns some of the    “Naughty treat” calories I consume. I get most frustrated when she finally falls asleep and wakes after 10 minutes, I mean WTF? All that for 10 minutes!!?? Somehow when the naps are a disaster (thank god not every day and isn’t that bad overall and she goes to bed easily at 7PM every night), it hits me at the core of my sense of “motherhood”, I feel like a failure, nothing else makes me feel like a failure except these bloody naps or lack of rather…And yes before you ask, I look out for tiredness cues (the second she rubs her little face, she goes to bed), make sure she’s not awake too long, try to stick to the same nap times every day, have read Gina Ford and the baby whispers and countless blog posts and websites…
Maybe it’s because when she was a newborn I “sleep deprived” her, as we were having so many issues feeding, I assumed all cries were hunger related and kept feeding her when really she should have been sleeping. She would be awake for hours which is not right for a newborn. Anyway she survived. Or maybe it’s because being able to get your baby to nap easily seems to be the “ultimate” in being a good mum nowadays, it means you’ve got the whole “routine” thing down, those mums are in CONTROL or just lucky.
Also I hate (and to be honest am not that used to failing) failing at anything, which is probably why I have trouble dealing with it.
When she won’t nap, it really frustrates me because all I want to do is HAVE A BREAK, have a cup of tea in silence, read the gossip on Dailymail.com, watch TV, make a phone call, write a blog post…
I go from being obsessed with naps to thinking fxxx it, it’s her problem if she won’t go to sleep but then the guilt over how “lunchtime time naps are crucial for their brain development” rears its head…
I think naps reflect the challenge of motherhood, desperately trying to do the right thing yet trying to not get “obsessed” and realise it’s not a question of life and death and no it won’t stop her going to university if she doesn’t have midday naps. You want to do what’s best for them, yet you mustn’t believe everything you read (or get told by people…) or worry too much. It’s a hard balancing act – trying to stay relaxed and happy and neither become obsessive nor careless. I find it a real struggle sometimes. I keep reminding myself that there are millions of mums over the world who have a lot more important things to worry about than if their baby has been awake for more than 2 hours. I’m lucky that I can worry about these things, it’s a luxury to be able to stay home and spend time on routines etc. It’s probably because I have too much time on my hands, if I ever have 2 children, I’m sure number 2 will just be left to cry sometimes and I certainly won’t have time to keep track of and analyse nap times! First world mum problems that’s for sure.
I now know why nature makes babies so cute, it’s so you can’t remain angry with them for long 🙂
 
Anybody else understand how I feel?

My Second Letter to My First Daughter

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Two months ago I posted my first letter to A , a lot has changed in those 2 months and for the better!

Bella-Roo, you have turned into a very happy baby that smiles a lot and most importantly can smile on cue (I just need to make a clicking noise and voila!), that’s how I get lots of great pictures of you! See example below (yes mummy thinks you are very cute):
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I should really think of making you into a baby model as you are so good at posing!

Over the past 2 months, we went on our first trips together on a train and it went smoothly enough. A lady did have to put her earplugs in at one point on the train to Weymouth as you were tired and crying but except for that we survived! In one month exactly we are going on a plane for 4.5 hours to Tenerife, I’m a bit stressed about this as I’m not sure how getting you to nap on a plane is going to work (I’m counting on the Ergo) but it should be OK as you really don’t cry much anymore. Thank you for not being a difficult baby, we had a rough start but you are a joy to be with nowadays.

A few weeks ago you learnt to roll over from back to front, the first time you did this was at 9.30PM, we heard you screamed and ran in to your bedroom to find you stuck face down. Mummy and daddy were very excited about this! We were less excited when you did it again at 4AM and then 6AM, this is why you now sleep in a Grobag tucked into your mattress, sorry about this straight jacket style sleeping but gymnastics are for daytime.

These are some of the things you love doing:
-putting everything in your mouth especially mummy and daddy’s fingers
-screeching and making all sorts of (mostly) cute noises
-dancing and flying, you seem to really like moving and physical activity
-listening to mummy sing, which is surprising as I CANNOT sing
-the bath, you love the bath and can quite easily suck on a wet flannel for 30 mins (as I said you love putting things in your mouth!)
-having your nappy changed, you love having it taken off and start throwing your legs everywhere.
-putting “doudou” on your face for naps in the buggy:
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-you love looking around at everything and everybody, you are very nosy!

You have recently started sleeping through the night and mummy and daddy would like to thank you for this! Please don’t stop!

We love you Boo, we could imagine a better baby, you make us laugh a lot and bring a lot of joy into your lives, we are really looking forward to going on our holiday and putting you in a swimming pool, just be good on the plane!

Perfect 10 Mobile Beauty Is Pretty Perfect

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A few weeks ago, I finally used the gift voucher my amazing friend bought me (mentioned here) and it was amazing!
Picture this: it’s 8PM on a Thursday night, your baby is in bed and at 7.55 on the dot (the fact she was bang on time was a big plus and really appreciated), a very friendly beautician turns up on your doorstep ready to give you an hour long MASSAGE and you don’t even have to LEAVE THE HOUSE!
She arrived with a fold up bed, pillows, oil and iPad speakers. I told her to set up in the bedroom, it took just a few minutes, she asked if the lighting was ok and then left me to get changed and onto the bed.
An hour of bliss followed, the massage was just what I needed! She checked the pressure was right and concentrated on my back, which I asked her to.
I was very impressed with the payment system (I had to top up the voucher a tiny bit), it was super easy, I just typed my card details into the IPad and an instant receipt was sent to me by email.
I then changed into my PYJAMAS and went straight to sleep!
The fact they come to your house, on time, up to 8PM at night makes it the ideal treat for tired mums. Especially when you are breastfeeding, it’s not 100% relaxing to leave your baby for a few hours, you know they will survive but cant fully switch off. On the other hand, at home, you can so treat yourselves girls! (please let them know I sent you 🙂 )
Thank you Coco and thanks Perfect10!

My thoughts on maternity leave

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Yes I know this blog has turned into a “mummy blog” as of late but to be honest being a mummy has become a massive part of my life, I am trying to not let it take over completely but when you are breastfeeding and your baby refuses to take a bottle you can’t really leave them for long. Every 2 weeks on a Saturday I religiously go and have my nails done and enjoy an hour of peace. Also the minute she is bed at night, I try not to think about her. Tonight a lady is coming to give me a massage, I am so excited and so grateful to my dear friend Coralie for giving me this gift! Talking of which Coralie has an amazing company http://www.macocobox.com/  that creates arts and crafts boxes for children on a monthly basis, they deliver to England so please have a look round her website (it’s in French but it’s amazing!)  And when she naps in the morning ( I could write a whole post about bloody naps!) I sometimes don’t know what to do with the free time! I tried not to waste those precious minutes doing boring household stuff, the gossip pages of dailymail.com are much exciting, as are writing blog posts!

Back to maternity leave…the first thing I have to say is I pity women who don’t get a choice to spend more than a few weeks or months on maternity leave. I know some women could take a year off and don’t out of choice but many women don’t have this choice either for job security reasons (US women for example) or financial women. We are very lucky in the UK to be able to have a year off and go back to your job, some women are lucky to get more than the statutory pay (if I worked for my husband’s company for example I would have 9 months off on full pay! Sadly I don’t work for the biggest asset manager in the world, not to name them…) I think it s a privilege to be able to spend the first year of your child’s life with them, many women dream of this. I thought I would be bored, I thought I would go back after less than a year but there is no way I would now (I know I might change my mind in a few months). I love being with her, I can’t imagine having to give her to somebody else all day every day, once in awhile would be nice though! She makes me laugh so much, she’s such a happy baby. I didn’t realize the pleasure you can get through them. For example she loves our baby sensory classes and it makes me so happy to see her so happy. I know how sad my husband is to not see her in the week and I could not cope with that, not yet anyway.

People said I would feel like this but I wasn’t sure.. Also one of the best things about being on maternity leave is being able to see your friends a lot more than usual and being able to spend time with family.I am really grateful for that. Not just having the weekends makes a massive difference. All this time doesn’t mean I have become a perfect housewife, I still have a cleaner and the fridge is still regularly empty!

These first few months are so precious and I would not have missed them for the world. I do have moments of “I can’t just eat cake and go for coffee for a year” and I really miss going out for dinner and impromptu trips etc.. And nothing really exciting happens, no trips to NYC, no nights out etc. I really need to organise some nights out (the one good thing is once she is asleep at night, she never wakes up before midnight so it’s safe to go out!). On the other hand I am really excited about our first holiday abroad, I cant wait to see her in a pool even though I am scared of the 4.5 hour flight! I can’t believe we might be “those people” with a screaming baby!

All in all I have adapted very well to not working! I have lost some freedom but gained some in other ways. I am grateful to live in a country that permits a long maternity leave and gives women the choice to be with their babies or not.

What I would tell my pregnant self

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Lots of pregnant women tend to focus on the birth when what you should really be informing yourself on is breastfeeding and how to cope the first month.

Here are a few things I wish I had known and some tips:

  1. Breastfeeding does not come naturally to everyone, it is actually quite technical and can be really hard. It is really worth paying for a lactation consultant to come over in the first few days if you are having any issues. If the feeding is a mess then everything else is chaos. Read the “womanly art of breastfeeding” from cover to cover before the baby arrives
  2. Tongue tie is a nightmare and ruins everything (see https://myaalife.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/tongue-tie-blo…with-your-baby/)
  3. Don’t worry about getting your baby “addicted” to anything the first 6 weeks, do what you need to do to get it to sleep. After that, it’s different but really don’t worry at the beginning, it’s more important they sleep and don’t get overtired rather than how they get to sleep
  4. Try not to survive on sugar and caffeine as you will never nap in the day when the baby is asleep (this is something I never managed to do but wish I had as a nap can make you feel human again). I starting eating a lot of sugar and I think this contributed to nipple thrush, which is not good!
  5. Do one thing a day to make you feel normal, I had a shower no matter what (baby screaming etc…) it made a massive difference, if you can also manage a walk with the buggy outside then you will really feel A LOT better
  6. Buggies are magic, I repeat: buggies are magic! Babies fall asleep in buggies and sleep for hours in the fresh air. Whoever invents a buggy treadmill you can put on a balcony or in a garden will be an overnight billionaire.
  7. NCT and the friends I made through NCT is invaluable and one of the best things we spent “baby” money on
  8. Buy a Cocoonababy, she slept in it for 3 months, I even perfected the technique of feeding her into the Cocoonababy by leaning over (only works with big floppy boobs I’m afraid), she would fall asleep eating and I didn’t have to move her at night, saved HOURS of rocking, shushing etc..
  9. If you think you will just feed the baby then put it back in its bed at night and it will fall asleep then YOU ARE WRONG. This is why before the cocoonababy feeding technique I co-slept with A, she would fall asleep and I would just roll over to the other side of the bed, i.e. NO DRAMA and MORE SLEEP
  10. At the beginning when people ask you “are you enjoying it?”, you will wonder what the hell they are talking about and what there is to enjoy, don’t feel guilty, 3 months later, you will know what they mean.

That’s all folks