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First Day Back at Work

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This post was originally published on meetothermums.com (http://www.meetothermums.com/blog/view/backtowork)

After taking 54 weeks off work, I hung up my maternity bra, got my nice bag out and went into panic mode as my daughter (Arabella) was too ill to go to nursery on my first day back at work AFTER A YEAR. She had started nursery full time 2 weeks before I was due back and guess what happens at nursery? Babies get sick, especially at the beginning. As a side note, I would highly recommend not combining your first day back at work with baby’s first day at nursery or with a childminder as if you’re anything like me, you’ll end up crying and feeling very emotional. There is no way I could have left her and then gone to the office. I would not have managed to concentrate and it would have been awful.  The Wednesday before I was due to go back I picked her up from nursery and she had quite a high fever. I spent the next few days coming up with “Plan B” for childcare. I don’t know why I hadn’t looked into this earlier, anyway… I then discovered there are websites set up to provide emergency childcare so I organised for a local nanny to come over on Sunday.

Come Sunday I could tell Arabella wasn’t going to be well enough to go to nursery. My husband couldn’t take the day off either (no matter what I was going to work that day!) so I came up with the genius idea of flying my mum over from France (she was actually quite excited to be coming over to see us all) as no matter how nice this nanny might be, I wasn’t really comfortable with leaving her with someone we didn’t know and if she was going to be sick for a few days it was going to cost more to pay for emergency childcare than fly my mum over! In typical nightmare fashion, half way through the interview, my mum called to say her plane was cancelled due to fog, a lot of fog so there wasn’t going to be a flight the next day either. So the emergency nanny got hired on the spot!

Having a nanny made my first day a lot less stressful in the end as there was no nursery run and nobody was going to call me to come and up pick her up. When I got home, the funniest, sweetest thing happened. She handed me Arabella and straight away she started waving goodbye to the nanny, as if to say “you can go now, mummy is here”, it made my day and nearly made up for the fact I had to be reunited with this awful device:

So my advice for your first day back at work would be:

  • Don’t combine it with the first day of childcare
  • Have a plan B and C for childcare in case of sickness
  • Prepare everything you and your baby need the night before
  • Accept the fact it’s going to feel weird and not going to be easy but it gets easier after the first day

Our First Flight With A Baby

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2 weeks ago we flew to Tenerife with BA (we flew back with Norwegian, it’s a long story…) and I was really quite apprehensive about the flight – how would I get her to sleep? would she scream with pain from the pressure? would she get really bored? The flight out there was slow so it was 5 hours in total, which got very LONG towards the end, coming back it only took 3.5 hours.

Here is what happened and some tips!

At the airport:

We were going to take the train to Gatwick but decided on a taxi in the end and I’m glad we did. The driver was on time and it was really easy, she fell asleep for 30 minutes on the way there:

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Check in was easy and we decided to check the buggy in rather than take it through the terminal. We had bought a new buggy (http://cybex-online.com/us/pushchairs/callisto.html) for the trip and it was really good, here it is in action:

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It was easy to put up and down and the sunshade was really big.

So we popped her in the Ergo (http://store.ergobaby.com/baby-carrier/four-position-360) and off we went through security. This is when carrying the baby comes into its own as I just walked through the metal detector, no taking out of buggy, putting buggy through x-ray machine etc. However if your baby is heavy or your flight is delayed, I can see the advantage of taking the buggy to the gate.

TIP: get a buggy protection bag, an air stewardess I know told me buggies get thrown about a lot and can get damaged so I would definitely invest in a bag.

We went straight to the lounge for some food and so I could feed her somewhere quieter than the main terminal. (http://www.no1traveller.com/gatwick-airport-lounges.htm) We have a priority pass (http://www.prioritypass.com/) through our Amex Platinum and I love it! The advantages of lounge access with a baby are:

  • it’s quieter
  • it’s less crowded
  • free food and drink
  • mini play area
  • you can put the baby down on the floor
  • comfortable seating to feed

If I didn’t have access but my flight was delayed I would definitely consider paying for a day lounge pass. We even found an empty room where we put her down on the floor to play before the long flight:

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She wore a long vest, a cardigan and leggings with feet so she didn’t get cold. The flight was warmer than i thought in the end. She fell asleep in the carrier for about 30 minutes before we boarded, which meant if anything she had slept an hour that day.

And so the time came to board, I was really stressed about this flight but then quickly realised there were other babies on board so there was no way she would be the only one screaming! Turns out the baby behind us was much worse and moaned 80% of the flight.

TIP: don’t stress as much as I did, you are not alone and the engine noise actually cancels out “baby noise” quite well!

One thing I hadn’t realised was that even if your baby is asleep on you, you have to take it out of the carrier and strap it in for takeoff and landing. It took me a few minutes to work the below out!

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Now as for the whole “ear popping” and feeding during take off and landing is concerned, I’m not sure if its a myth or not, A seemed totally unfazed and I actually think it would be quite hard to breastfeed whilst the baby has the belt on (would work fine with a dummy or bottle), anyway she was not affected at all.

The flight ended being 5 hours long and she slept for 30 mins of those. About an hour and a half in, I fed her, she fell asleep and miraculously I managed to sit her up against my chest and kept her asleep there in the carrier until the baby behind her screamed and woke her up! Very frustrating! I have to say A has a good capacity to stay awake a long time without getting too cranky but I can imagine most babies would not do that well being awake for 4.5 hours so just hope there are no other babies near you!

I kept the carrier on the whole time as it kind of made a mini seat for her and was easier when she was asleep. On the way back, the same happened (fell asleep eating) but I didn’t move her this time, I made sure my jacket was under my arm so it took some of the weight off. We had a free seat between us but I was scared she would wake up if I moved her.

She slept for about an hour and a quarter:

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I used my breastfeeding cover to make a mini tent so it was a bit darker, make sure to close the window blind as well.

TIP: ask at check in if the flight is full and if not can they block a seat so you have one to put the baby down on.

So what did we do to entertain her?

  • let her eat her toes:

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  •  read books
  • read her the emergency card
  • gave her Sophie and then her rings (4 pounds very well spent: http://www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-Textured-Linkies/455949,default,pd.html) and “Mister Spot” who I now know is actually a girl called Chloe (http://www.tinylove.com/en/on-the-go-toys/chloe-cow) TIP: bring toys that don’t make too much noise and most importantly you can attach to the baby or yourself or the seatbelt to avoid them going on the floor and then being unusable.
  • stood her up so she could see behind us and in front
  • gave her sips of water
  • fed her quite a lot to kill time
  • changed a poonami with only 2 wipes (#parentingfail) TIP: check the wipes before you get on the plane, I don’t know how we didn’t!
  • walked around with her in the ergo

All in all, it was not as bad as I thought at all and I am glad we went when we did because if she had wanted to walk or crawl it would have been much worse. We were sat next to a man and who told us how his daughter stayed awake all the way to California when she was a baby and was promptly sick once they got there so there is definitely worse and other parents full understand.

We landed around 6PM, which was late, the return flight was much earlier and better, I would definitely avoid late flights that come close to bedtime. She was getting pretty restless and tired by the end. She slept for 10 mins in the car on the way to the hotel and then only went to bed at 9PM, which is really late for her but became a theme during the holiday at the AMAZING Abama hotel .(http://www.ritzcarlton.com/en/Properties/Abama/Default.htm) but that’s for another blog post. Happy flying!

 

What Makes Me Angry As a Mum

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Since becoming a mum last November, I have been challenged emotionally. Of course I’ve discovered unconditional love and joy at little things etc. But I also get more angry and frustrated than I ever did and I am not ashamed to admit it.

There is one thing in particular that triggers these “negative” emotions:
Not managing to get A to nap. She’ll go from going down for her morning nap at 9AM for days in a row and one day just won’t. Or I’ll try and get her down for a last nap around 3 because surely she can’t be awake from 1.30PM til 7PM and it will be impossible. The worse is when she won’t even fall asleep in the buggy because as all mums know when all else fails, take them for a walk! It makes me angry that I resort to feeding her to sleep sometimes still, not always but sometimes I know that it will work. I should not get angry about that, it burns some of the    “Naughty treat” calories I consume. I get most frustrated when she finally falls asleep and wakes after 10 minutes, I mean WTF? All that for 10 minutes!!?? Somehow when the naps are a disaster (thank god not every day and isn’t that bad overall and she goes to bed easily at 7PM every night), it hits me at the core of my sense of “motherhood”, I feel like a failure, nothing else makes me feel like a failure except these bloody naps or lack of rather…And yes before you ask, I look out for tiredness cues (the second she rubs her little face, she goes to bed), make sure she’s not awake too long, try to stick to the same nap times every day, have read Gina Ford and the baby whispers and countless blog posts and websites…
Maybe it’s because when she was a newborn I “sleep deprived” her, as we were having so many issues feeding, I assumed all cries were hunger related and kept feeding her when really she should have been sleeping. She would be awake for hours which is not right for a newborn. Anyway she survived. Or maybe it’s because being able to get your baby to nap easily seems to be the “ultimate” in being a good mum nowadays, it means you’ve got the whole “routine” thing down, those mums are in CONTROL or just lucky.
Also I hate (and to be honest am not that used to failing) failing at anything, which is probably why I have trouble dealing with it.
When she won’t nap, it really frustrates me because all I want to do is HAVE A BREAK, have a cup of tea in silence, read the gossip on Dailymail.com, watch TV, make a phone call, write a blog post…
I go from being obsessed with naps to thinking fxxx it, it’s her problem if she won’t go to sleep but then the guilt over how “lunchtime time naps are crucial for their brain development” rears its head…
I think naps reflect the challenge of motherhood, desperately trying to do the right thing yet trying to not get “obsessed” and realise it’s not a question of life and death and no it won’t stop her going to university if she doesn’t have midday naps. You want to do what’s best for them, yet you mustn’t believe everything you read (or get told by people…) or worry too much. It’s a hard balancing act – trying to stay relaxed and happy and neither become obsessive nor careless. I find it a real struggle sometimes. I keep reminding myself that there are millions of mums over the world who have a lot more important things to worry about than if their baby has been awake for more than 2 hours. I’m lucky that I can worry about these things, it’s a luxury to be able to stay home and spend time on routines etc. It’s probably because I have too much time on my hands, if I ever have 2 children, I’m sure number 2 will just be left to cry sometimes and I certainly won’t have time to keep track of and analyse nap times! First world mum problems that’s for sure.
I now know why nature makes babies so cute, it’s so you can’t remain angry with them for long 🙂
 
Anybody else understand how I feel?

My “Petite Madeleine”

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A few days ago, as I was walking down the street, a little girl wearing a red and white checked summer school uniform walked past holding her mum’s hand and I was taken back, far far back. Suddenly I was a little girl again at Southwell school on Portland in Dorset in the late 80s and I was wearing that uniform and having lunch outside on a sunny day. I could hear the seagulls, feel the fresh air, taste the sandwiches from my lunchbox and hear children playing all around me. It was so strange and quite intense, the memories just hit me. I actually stopped pushing the buggy for a few seconds as it was such a strong feeling. All the memories came flooding back: assembly at school, playing with Tim, Anna, Daniel and Heidi, living in Osborne Hall (it’s now quite a nice Air BnB: https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/863848) where slow worms used to live in the back wall, my Grandparents’ beach hut, The Cove Pub, the sculpture park in the quarry, the Beach Road, being very mean to the girl up the road and pouring oil on her head (sorry!) – my childhood on Portland before I moved to France basically.

Nearly 30 years later I would move to Walthamstow (via quite a few other places) and meet H through NCT, she happens to be friends with a girl who was in my class at Southwell school on Portland, it really is a small world.

The only other time I can remember being thrown back in time was a few years ago when I stayed at someone’s house and had forgotten my toothpaste. The only toothpaste in the bathroom was children’s toothpaste, the second it hit my taste buds, that particular banana flavour took me back to the South of France and my first “colonies de vacances” when I was 9 or 10 years old. I can remember that holiday camp like it was yesterday: feeling different because I didn’t have a “carnet de sante” like all the other French children and because I had some Stefanel clothes my Granny had bought so I was seen as “posh”, wearing my pink jumper (I can’t remember the brand name but I loved that jumper) in the morning to breakfast, the only time it wasn’t hot; falling in love with “Sebastien” and asking my mum when we got back if we could move to Argenteuil so I could see him (if you know anything about France and “les banlieues”, you will understand why this was a very naïve request…); plucking up the courage to ask a girl if she wanted to be friends on the first day; listening to lots of Michael Jackson and I randomly remember a girl rubbing her soap against the shower wall to make it looked like it had been used a lot because she didn’t want her mum to know she didn’t wash much once she got back – how do I remember that ???!!! I can still see her banging that soap against the wall… It’s strange how tiny weird details stick in your memory. It’s also amazing how when you are a child you don’t understand social differences, I now know that “Sebastien” and his friends most likely didn’t pay for their time there and it was probably their only holiday.

What will A remember from her childhood, what will stick in her mind, which memories will last and which ones will fade…. I just hope she likes to wash with soap.

What I Love About Walthamstow

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Just under a year ago, we moved from N1 to E17 and didn’t really know what to expect. We moved for the typical reason of “we can’t afford to buy in Islington so lets move up the Victoria Line” and have not regretted it and here’s why:
-We live AT the station, this means it takes 3 mins exactly to go from our front door to the platform for the train, I was so grateful for this when commuting whilst pregnant and am very grateful for this as my husband gets home really quickly in the evening
-We have an amazing view of London from our balcony, I have spent many hours sat on the sofa breastfeeding and admiring the view!
-There is a great Moroccan and many Turkish supermarkets within walking distance where you can find amazing and authentic products, merguez or ajvar anybody?

-I can get freshly cooked Gozleme in 3 mins

-I love wondering around the best Spar (it’s official!) in England and looking at all the interesting products they sell, it’s E17’s version De Beauvoir Deli in my opinion

-The East London Sausage Company makes amazing sausages!

-I love everything about Ravenswood Industrial Estate, the neon, the cakes next door and the brewery

-I’ve made great friends here and know more people in Walthamstow than I ever did in Islington, of course it’s because I have a baby now and they are all “baby related” but still it makes me feel part of the community (even if for now it’s part of the buggy brigade!), which I never did in Islington

-You can take the 97 bus and be at Westfield in 20 mins, where they sell FROZEN YOGURT and there is a WAITROSE!

-Walthamstow village in really pretty

-I love walking to Lloyd Park as it’s just the right distance to get A to sleep in the buggy and once there it’s lovely, even though it takes a lot of willpower not to buy a cake on the way in one of the MANY cake shops!

-I am addicted to Lidl’s pains au chocolat (I know this is not really Walthamstow related!)

-There are some great pubs around, yes I know a lot of them feel like creches on a Sunday but at the moment that suits me fine 🙂

-It’s super easy to get anywhere from here (the City, central London, Stansted etc.)

There is still so much to discover, we’ve never been to the Marches for example nor to Epping Forest (which we can walk to!), I’ve never been to the Mill nor to Hornbeam Cafe nor bought fish from Davies & Sons nor really made the most of the market etc. I will spend the next 6 months of my maternity leave doing a lot more exploring now the weather is better.

Finally to top it all off, apparently TK Maxx is opening this year, which is my world is VERY EXCITING. They don’t call it Awesomestow for nothing!

 

Great BBQ has landed in Walthamstow

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Today I went for lunch at Grillstock as part of their soft opening with 50% off food and drink.
We were 7 mums, 1 dad, 7 babies and 6 buggies! Nevertheless our waitress Veronica did a great job of moving chairs around so all the buggies could fit. Had this been a normal busy day we would have struggled to all fit but the food was so good (more on that later) that I’m sure we would come back and just use slings.
It’s really easy to find with a big BBQ sign outside next door to the future Thai restaurant just before HSBC.
I’m married to an American and have being going to the U.S. regularly for the past 10 years so I’ve had my fair share of BBQ and this was up there.

The inside is nice and airy with just the right amount of tables and some comfy looking booths. The picnic benches are a nice touch and the music was just loud enough.
You have to order food at the bar which is fine and we were told this straight away. They made sure all the food came together by putting a “hold” on the first order until everyone at the table had ordered, which was appreciated.

The menu is divided into sections such as “BBQ plates” ( a full meal), “sandwiches”, “burgers”, “fixins”( sides) and “home style dishes”.
I had a pulled pork sandwich which came with fries and coleslaw and an extra side of Mac n Cheese. The sandwich was great, the bun was the perfect consistency and the meat really flavourful, I added some hot BBQ sauce, which was on the table and looked homemade. I’m definitely trying the ribs next time! They don’t have ketchup (yet!) which was a shame but they will soon. The coleslaw was nice and chunky and not drenched in mayonnaise. The chips were OK but not amazing, it’s the only thing I wasn’t that impressed with. Portions were good and with 50% off amazing value but even at full price, the value is good.

I really want to thank our waitress Veronica (love your hair by the way!) who was very sweet and helpful. Apparently it’s her first waitressing job and it didn’t show one bit!
I’ll definitely be back and I’m sure my American husband is going to love it! A great new addition to the Walthamstow “Scene”.

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What I would tell my pregnant self

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Lots of pregnant women tend to focus on the birth when what you should really be informing yourself on is breastfeeding and how to cope the first month.

Here are a few things I wish I had known and some tips:

  1. Breastfeeding does not come naturally to everyone, it is actually quite technical and can be really hard. It is really worth paying for a lactation consultant to come over in the first few days if you are having any issues. If the feeding is a mess then everything else is chaos. Read the “womanly art of breastfeeding” from cover to cover before the baby arrives
  2. Tongue tie is a nightmare and ruins everything (see https://myaalife.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/tongue-tie-blo…with-your-baby/)
  3. Don’t worry about getting your baby “addicted” to anything the first 6 weeks, do what you need to do to get it to sleep. After that, it’s different but really don’t worry at the beginning, it’s more important they sleep and don’t get overtired rather than how they get to sleep
  4. Try not to survive on sugar and caffeine as you will never nap in the day when the baby is asleep (this is something I never managed to do but wish I had as a nap can make you feel human again). I starting eating a lot of sugar and I think this contributed to nipple thrush, which is not good!
  5. Do one thing a day to make you feel normal, I had a shower no matter what (baby screaming etc…) it made a massive difference, if you can also manage a walk with the buggy outside then you will really feel A LOT better
  6. Buggies are magic, I repeat: buggies are magic! Babies fall asleep in buggies and sleep for hours in the fresh air. Whoever invents a buggy treadmill you can put on a balcony or in a garden will be an overnight billionaire.
  7. NCT and the friends I made through NCT is invaluable and one of the best things we spent “baby” money on
  8. Buy a Cocoonababy, she slept in it for 3 months, I even perfected the technique of feeding her into the Cocoonababy by leaning over (only works with big floppy boobs I’m afraid), she would fall asleep eating and I didn’t have to move her at night, saved HOURS of rocking, shushing etc..
  9. If you think you will just feed the baby then put it back in its bed at night and it will fall asleep then YOU ARE WRONG. This is why before the cocoonababy feeding technique I co-slept with A, she would fall asleep and I would just roll over to the other side of the bed, i.e. NO DRAMA and MORE SLEEP
  10. At the beginning when people ask you “are you enjoying it?”, you will wonder what the hell they are talking about and what there is to enjoy, don’t feel guilty, 3 months later, you will know what they mean.

That’s all folks

My first letter to my first daughter

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Dear Arabella,

also known as: Bella-roo, boo, mini-B, crime dog junior, my love, ma cherie; this is the first letter I am writing to you. I will write many more I promise. I want you to know how you made me feel and I want to make sure I remember how you made me feel.

In a few weeks you will  be 3 months old, that’s the first thing “they say” that is true, babies grow up so fast. It’s hard to believe nearly 3 months ago I was waiting for you to come out and here’s the first thing I want you to know: the minute you were born it was like I had known you for ever. My mini-B was here and I really felt like I knew you, they had definitely handed me the right baby. Your chubby cheeks were unmistakable, definitely my baby! One of the first things I thought were “she’s so big and has so much hair”. I have to admit, your hair is legendary, a proper mohawk, you now have dreadlocks too from rubbing your head when you’re falling asleep. Yes it looks like you’re a homeless ragged dog but it’s okay, I love you anyway.

Talking of love, I love you Arabella and I always will. Here are some of the things I love about you:

-how alert and observant you are (hence “crime dog junior” as daddy likes to call you, I’m the other crime dog in case you’re wondering). I have the feeling it’s going to be hard to hide things from you. You’re definitely not one of those sleepy babies where “the lights are on but nobody is home”. You love watching TV, following people around the room, staring at lights and have recently noticed my phone. Let me make one thing clear: you will never be allowed to touch mummy’s phone because it’s nearly as precious as you, like seriously.

-your crazy spiky hair, I love the fact you have lots of hair, it adds a whole other level of cuteness

-our chats, indeed you already like chatting, I will never forget how you woke up on your 2 month birthday and had found your voice. I would love to know what you’re saying. Sometimes you try and cry and chat at the same time which creates some funny noises, it’s called multi-tasking, daddy (and most men) is not very good at it, mummy is.

-your smiles, no wonder we call you “smiley”. The first time you smiled, you were 3 weeks old and we were in the midwife’s office. I was crying because breastfeeding was so painful at the time and it upset me a lot. That smile made my day, it made all the pain go away, it made it all worth it and dried my tears. It always make laugh how sometimes you can be crying in your bed (resisting napping as usual) and then you see me and stop and smile. You know me and I know you.

-the fact  you trust me. Now I’m not sure many people would believe this bit but boo I am sure you trust me and that’s why you are a settled baby. You know I won’t let you starve (if you didn’t starve the first weeks you sure ain’t going to starve now!), you know I will always come back to get you, you know I am your mummy and will always love you.

And when you love someone this much you do things you wouldn’t do for anybody else. I would never have survived the agony of breastfeeding through tongue tie if I didn’t love you so profoundly nor would I have coped with sleep deprivation, I also managed to push you out through pure love and determination to meet you and make sure you were safe and healthy.

You are the cutest thing and have already taught me some valuable lessons. For example, I sometimes had a tendency to give up easily. I’ve learnt not to do that anymore and that through determination and love amazing things can happen. I could have given up on breastfeeding but am so glad I didn’t. I could go and pick you up when you are crying but I know you’re tired and leave you there and you always fall asleep, yes this is one of mummy’s tricks! I will admit I hated the first weeks of your life because of the feeding pain, which created chaos but you kept me going.

Thank you for knowing what to do when mummy didn’t, thank you for smiling at me when I needed it the most, thank you for challenging me, thank you for pushing me over my limits, thank you for showing me what unconditional all consuming love feels like, thank you for being mine.

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